Which was fine… I guess.
Delmare and I had a conversation where she’d said that my mother had reminded her of her own— man-crazy. I had been forced to agree.
My mom had bonded with two different shifters, and that hadn’t been her fault. But secretly, part of me believed she’d played King Lycus while knowing Lucien was the only one for her, because she’d liked all the attention.
I’d thought of it in a different way before I became queen, but after having the crown on my head for several months, I’d finally grasped the gravity of what my mother had done. She’d sworn herself to Lycus, helped him win the Contest and thenvowed to lead a country, all while sneaking around with Lucien behind Lycus’ back. Then, when the country had needed her to lead, she’d run off with her boy toy. She wasn’t pregnant until after it all happened, so she couldn’t use Arthur and I as an excuse.
Lucien wasn’t exactly innocent, either. He knew what was going on, and hadn’t put a stop to it.
I couldn’t imagine betraying Malovia in such a way. Before I knew Ethan was the Phantom, and I thought the vigilante was my true mate, I’d promised to let him go, because I knew the good of the nation was more important than what I wanted.
“Don’t judge me, Emma. You don’t know what I had to go through,” Mom had said snippily when I’d brought it up privately the other evening.
Maybe I didn’t, Mom. But I knew enough. And I didn’t have to walk a mile in her shoes to admit to myself my mother cared for her own happiness more than the security of others. And that was painful. She hadn’t raised me that way, but clearly, her expectations for me were far higher than the ones she set for herself. Now that she had Lucien back, Mom was more concerned about going out and partying like some kind of teenager instead of helping all of us. It was embarrassing, but worse than that, it was hurtful.
“We didn’t get any time with him, either,” Arthur pointed out forcefully. “She wasn’t the only one who had to go without him for twenty years.”
“I know,” I admitted heavily. “But I don’t want him to feel like he’s torn between us. Let Mom have him, for now. He’s already helped us out so much.”
Arthur let out a grunt. We went looking for our grandparents, and found them in their usual spot on the porch overlooking the pasture. Bapa was smoking on his pipe, and Babcia was brewing a potion while using her telepathy magic to knit at the same time. The needles wove yarn in the air of their own accord as Babcia stirred the potion and whispered an incantation to it. Puck was curled up by Babcia’s feet, chewing on a dog toy.
“Top o’ the morning. What can we do for ye?” Babcia asked as she ladeled the potion into a bottle.
Arthur explained. When he was done, Bapa raised an eyebrow. “Your father should be the one to do it with you. It would be right,” Bapa protested.
“We get it, but…” I upturned my hands.
Babcia gave a scowl that could turn milk sour. “I swear, if that woman wasn’t your mother, I’d put her on her arse before your father had anything to say about it.”
“Babcia,” I groaned. The tension between my grandparents and my mother was getting ridiculous. Mom hadswornBabcia had put a roach in her shoe the other day. I didn’t put it past Babcia not to.
Babcia rapped her ladel on the side of the pot. Bapa put out his pipe and said, “We shall do it. It’s best done at night, under the watch of our gods.”
“But you will need time to prepare,” Babcia added. “Do exactly as we say, and when the time is right, we shall summon you. But be warned— this is no average ceremony.”
“What do you mean?” My heartbeat began to race.
“Some fae who discover their true names never quite come out the same,” Babcia warned. “Don’t expect not to change after this experience, because you will. The only thing to wonder is how.”
I gulped. That sounded scary. Part of me didn’t want to change, because change was scary, and it felt unsafe.
Yet I’d come to that same old bridge I’d crossed a countless number of times. I couldn’t be who I was anymore. I’d gone through so many cycles since I’d come to Malovia, shed so many different identities, and the person I was now wasn’t who the world needed. I knew who Emma the warrior was. I knew Emma the sorceress, and even Emma the queen.
Now I needed to discover who I was as the Worldweaver.
I wanted to get to the core of who I was. I couldn’t avoid it. This was the only way.
“Areyou sure you want to go through with this?” Ethan asked.
He stood beside me as a wolf under the darkness of the full moon. Bapa and Babcia had asked him to come, to protect me during the ceremony. This was heavy spiritual work, and would attract the attention of any entities or monsters in the area. If I was in a deep trance, it was his job to fend them off while I did the work of discovering my true name.
“Yes. What other ideas do we have for finding the Unseelie stone?” I asked.
“I will guard you, but be warned. This isn’t something most fae do, or evenshoulddo. The knowledge of true names can be dangerous. If it becomes too much, you can stop the ceremony, and we’ll let the matter drop.”
I wasn’t sure what I’d face, but I was determined to see this through. At the same time, if this was as intense as shadow work, I wasn’t sure if I could complete the task. “Just stay close to me, okay?”
“Always.”
