I took the stairs to the kitchens at a snail’s pace. To be honest, Ethan and I took care of the babies more than anyone else. My mother and Lucien helped often, along with Babcia and Bapa, but if it came down to an investment of time, it was my mate and I who were doing the feedings, the changings, and rocking them to sleep at night.
Arthur just couldn’t help. There was nothing left in him, and how could I blame him for that? He was lost without Vara.
I knew he loved his children, but he couldn’t connect with them. And how could he? It would be so hard, since they’d been born in such a traumatic way. There was little I could do to ease his pain. I could barely comfort myself.
I cut myself some fruit and warmed up a bowl of chicken broth. I ate both slowly, giving Tygrys drops of honey from my finger. It was all I could manage to take down these days. It felt like a feast.
I managed to crawl my way back up the stairs. I was planning on returning to the twins, but the harried turning of pages as I passed the library made me cringe.
I poked my head in. Arthur’s glasses were askew, his hair stuck up one way as he frantically pored over books. His shirt was rumpled. I didn’t think he’d slept or showered in days.
I opened the door and took a gentle seat beside him. Tygrys landed on my shoulder to observe. “Arty, you need to get some sleep.”
His one eye twitched. “I think I found it, Emma.”
“Found what?” He was scaring me.
Arthur plopped a book in front of me, one that was illustrated with all kinds of beautiful drawings. “Babcia used to read me this story when I was a wee babe,” he began. He shuffled through the pages until he came to the middle of the book. “Listen to this, now. I’m sure you know the story of Evanam Faolin and his bonnie lass, Oriana Faire?”
“I wouldn’t know Malovian fairy tales,” I said apologetically. Mom hadn’t told me any.
“Ah, right, no matter,” Arthur said. “Well, in the story, Oriana died young, a very terrible death, and Evanam was cursed to live without her.”
I knew where this was going. “Arty…”
“ButEvanam couldn’t do it, so he made a deal with the gods,” Arthur rambled. “A life for a life, his in exchange for hers. He went through a ceremony that enabled him to cross over into Edinmyre, to plead with the gods for her return. And she did return to life, through their mating bond!”
I looked over the pages skeptically. On my shoulder, Tygrys purred in appreciation. “Arty… this is just a children’s story.”
“Legends are nothing more than carefully concealed fact,” he spat out. “It says right here;six nights after the first new moon upon her death, Evanam took Oriana’s body and placed it on an offering table beneath the waxing sky. He formed a circle of rose petals, and placed out lavender, cedar, mugwort, and an elder branch. He lit all aflame, calling out to the gods to accept his sacrifice and open the way, proclaiming his love for his mate and his desire to give up their bond to restore her to life. The portal was made, and as Evanam stepped on through, an exchange was given, one life for another.Oriana returned to life, and Evanam died in her place.”
“This verges on necromancy,” I argued. “That’s witch magic. It’s not something a fae should mess with.”
“You don’t understand,” Arthur insisted. “I’ve looked into it, and witch magic isn’t so much different from ours—”
Tygrys’ tail swished as he took in every word, but I blocked out most of Arthur’s ranting. He was so far away right now.
“— I have a soul connection with Vara. That bond isn’t broken just because she’s… not here. I can bring her back, and the gods can take me in her place,” Arthur insisted. “Our children need her more than me. Theyneedtheir mother.”
His eyes were mad behind his glasses. I took a sad breath. “Even if the story is true, the time to perform the ceremony has already passed,” I said gently. “Vara’s body has been burned to ash, and one moon cycle has already come and gone since she passed. Only the gods could restore her now.”
Arthur was silent, and my gut plummeted. “You’ve already tried it, haven’t you?” I asked.
“I just didn’t perform the ceremony right!” he raged. “There must’ve been something that I did wrong! I didn’t wait for the right moon cycle, I didn’t have the body, and it wasn’t the right time—”
“You’ve got to stop torturing yourself like this. Vara isgone.” My voice cracked on the words, but they were true. Nothing— not magic, the gods, or any of us, could make Vara return after she’d already been dead so long.
Arthur’s lip wobbled. He couldn’t control himself any longer. He threw himself against my shoulders and sobbed. I held him, wishing I could tell him that children’s stories could bring his beloved back to life.
“I can’t do this.” Arthur wept. “I don’t know how to live without her, Emma.”
“None of us do.” I straightened his shoulders and fixed his glasses. “But Kalina and Kazim need you. You have to be strong, for them.”
Arthur wiped his nose. “I suppose you are right. It’s not serving them, carrying on like this.”
“No. But you know what you need? Sleep, and a bath,” I insisted. “It’s not going to fix everything, but it’s a start.”
I forced Arthur back to his bedroom, where he promised me he’d clean up and get some rest. I sure hoped so. I didn’t want him sneaking off to the library again to torment himself with more false hope. Tygrys remained with Arthur, curling up on his pillow to take a nap.
