“If you go, I’m coming right after you,” Charlie gasped.
“You’ll find me again, Charlie, I promise.” I don’t know why I said it— seemed like a silly thing to say at the time— but it slipped out of my mouth anyway. It was some sort of promise we’d made to each other over and over again without ever saying it aloud, and we’d never broken it.
“You’re my wife. Don’t leave me,” Charlie pleaded.
My heart broke inside my chest like fragile glass, and it hurt worse than the bullet would. I thought I’d found a way out of my miserable life, and that I could finally begin again with Charlie.
I’d been in denial. My darkness would never go away. But for as breakable as my heart was, my mind was made of stone, and I made a concrete decision on what had to be done. I hated that I was doing this to him, but if it meant saving his life… well, I’d be the craziest motherfucker that walked this earth. Gambling with my own existence meant nothing if he could keep breathing.
Ava… stay, Oberi whined weakly. He tried to say more, and failed. The blood loss had weakened him, though I could tell by the look in his dark eyes that losing me was his greatest fear.
“Honey, calm down. Let’s think through this,” Daddy said. He was trying to be a chief, forcing himself to be the level-headed negotiator while Mama wept at his side.
“I’d do anything for my family, Daddy. It’s time to prove it.” I was holding a gun to my head, but I hadn’t lost my nerve. If anything I’d done in my life felt right, it was this— putting myself on the line to protect them. There were five other people in this room that I cared about. Their lives were worth more than my own just by sheer statistics. If one person had to sacrifice their life to make sure five others survived, well, it didn’t matter who or what I was.
But I wasn’t going down unless I took Jaymin with me.
“Baby, we’ll find another way out of this. Put the gun down.” Mama was hysterical, begging me to stop what I was doing even as I was trying to save her life.
Blocking out her cries was the worst. It wasn’t easy to ignore your mother when she was pleading with you not to kill yourself, but we were in a tough spot. I’d be damned if anyone was leaving in a body bag today but me and the shitheads that had cornered us.
Jaymin took a slow step in my direction. “Ava, don’t do anything rash.”
“Why not? You need me.The Wardenneeds me,” I said. “And if I die, all his plans and the ways he wants to use me go to shit. I’m willing to bet that if you drag my body back to him, he’ll put you in a grave before morning.”
Jaymin’s complexion paled, and I knew I was right.
“We can work something out,” Jaymin replied. “I’m willing to negotiate.”
Yeah, right. She’d kill everyone I cared about the minute I put this gun down. The voices in my head were screaming now, making it hard to hear anything anyone was saying. I couldn’t even hear myselfthink.
“You’re a shitty therapist, you know that? You never realized the worst thing about me,” I spat at Jaymin. “I have monsters living inside of me, and you want to know what they’re saying right now? That every single one of my enemies needs to be fucking dead, starting with you.”
“You’re hearing voices again, sweetie?” Mama whimpered.
“I never stopped, Mama. It’s my blessing and my curse.” My fingers trembled as I held the gun. The voices kept repeating,do it, do it.
“She’s psychotic! We need to put her down,” a guard cried out.
“No! The Warden wants her alive!” Jaymin screamed.
“Yeah, I bet he does,” I growled. “He wants all of us to either die or fall in fucking line. Which is exactly why I’m giving him a bigfuck youon my way out. I’m not gonna feel a damn thing. The voices made me numb a long time ago.”
I felt completely unhinged as mania overtook me. At this point, any doctor would rule me insane, because there was nothing I wouldn’t do to get my friends out of this situation. I was done wearing the mask I had to put on every fucking day, done pretending that I was a good little girl who had her shit together because she took all the right pills and said all the right things. This was the real Ava, and I was letting her loose for the first fucking time. She could do anything she wanted and change her mind at any moment, just because she felt like it, and right now, I felt like pulling this fucking triggerjustto see what would happen. Ancestors, I was finally free. Nothing could hold me back now.
“This isn’t one of your little mind games. This is real life,” Jaymin sneered. She was losing her patience.
“I told you to stay back,” I warned again as Jaymin approached. She didn’t listen. I took a deep breath and tried to summon my courage.
“You don’t have the stomach,” Jaymin hissed, and she darted toward me.
I closed my eyes and hoped it wouldn’t hurt— though I hardly cared if it did. I wasn’t letting Jaymin take me back to the Warden. I pulled the trigger, and the gun went off. Jaymin connected with me a second before I did so, and the bullet ricocheted into the wall. The gun fell out of my hands and broke into several pieces on the stone floor. I shoved Jaymin away from me, and she fell on her back beside the pistol.
I heard Charlie let out a cry of grief. He thought I’d done it. I scrambled back to my feet, and felt my back hit the wall.
“She’s okay!” Kallie hurriedly stated. Charlie trembled, giving sobs of relief.
“I’ve had enough of this,” Jaymin snapped. “Guards, kill the rest of them, and drag her back to the Warden!”
