“Yes,” I replied instantly. “In a heartbeat.”
“Then is it really that hard to understand?”
“Yes. You’re better than me. A purer soul,” I insisted.
“What? That’s not true.”
“It is! You’re a good person at heart, and I’m bad, and I didn’t deserve what you did for me, not then or now,” I said.
“I don’t think it’s up to you to decide if you deserved it— or me, either, I think. Who you were or what you were going to become didn’t matter. I wanted you, I loved you, and here you are.”
It sounded so simplistic, but how could it be? Wasn’t love supposed to be complicated?
My voice wobbled. “I thought people judged with their eyes, but you taught me differently. It’s like you see right through me, and know the real me instead of what’s outside.”
“You’re easy for me to read, no matter how hard you try and hide it. I just can’t believe it’s hard for you to do the same with me. I figured how I truly feel is so obvious,” he said.
“Even with a soul connection, it’s hard to tell what you’re thinking.” I reached up and brushed a lock of hair out of his eyes. “You’re so guarded all the time. And I know why you are, because you’ve been hurt, but even though I know that, it’s still insanely difficult to get you to let me in.”
“Then let me say it out loud. I was giddy when you asked me to marry you. There wasn’t anything that could’ve made me happier than being in that chapel with you and sharing my vows. I just have such a hard time showing it, because I’m so afraid…”
“You don’t want to lose anything else.” I knew the feeling. I identified with it, because we’d destroyed each other.
“Yes. But I’ve gotta get past that, because I want to be with you. I was almost over that fear. I was tired of us being apart. I was going to ask if we could try again…”
He sighed. “Then the second blood test happened, and I knew I was going to the Underground. I didn’t have the heart to confess that I loved you right before I was taken away from you. That’d be so cruel.”
“I wouldn’t have let them take you,” I promised. “I would’ve died preventing that. So you should’ve told me you loved me, so I could’ve gone down knowing that you did. I would’ve died with a smile on my face.”
“I think it worked out better this way.” Charlie pressed his forehead to mine, and the movement was blissful. He lay back on the bed, still holding me. Our legs tangled together like they always used to, and the way he held me against him was precious and tender.
This was everything I’d ever wanted since we’d broken up. Just his body pressing against mine felt so good. I closed my eyes and inhaled the scent of bergamot as my fingers caressed his shirt. I was dying to kiss him, but I knew once my lips touched his, we wouldn’t be able to stop, and there were things we needed to talk about first.
“I wanted you too, Charlie. I wanted us back together the moment I walked away, but the memory of what happened in Forevermore held me back…” I took a breath, unable to escape the sounds that were filling my ears— the screams of dying Elves, the crackling of fire, the marching of the Warden’s troops.
“I think we need to admit that Forevermore wasn’t our fault. We aren’t responsible for what happened to those people.” His tone was broken, but a little flat. Time had created enough distance for us to see things clearly.
“Aren’t we? We led the Warden there,” I pointed out.
“The Warden was going to find Forevermore one way or another. He’d been looking for it for years. Who’s to say my grandfather wouldn’t have tried to break me out, and the Warden found out that way?” Charlie asked. “We can’t take on the burden of a whole genocide. It isn’t our fault that the Elves died.”
“But now that we’ve revealed them, and they’re back, it could start another war.”
“War is coming. It always does,” Charlie said in a tired way. “People are cruel and evil that way.”
“Maybe we could’ve stopped it.”
“No. I’ve only been at the Institute for a year, but I already know how the Warden works, because I met plenty of people just like him on the streets. He won’t be satisfied with getting what he wants. He’s just gonna want more and more. Forevermore was just the beginning.”
I felt the edges of myself fraying when we discussed the Warden. The man was a travesty to this world, and he wanted to watch it fall while he stood over it with a grin. “We have to consider the power we have. We’re demigods. We’re dangerous, not just to each other, but to the world. We have to keep our powers in check.”
“We can be together and not be a threat to the world,” Charlie insisted. “Whether we’re apart or together, bad things are still gonna happen. And I’m tired of facing them without you. It’s breaking me apart.”
I traced his jawline like it was a piece of art. “If we’re going to fight… I want us to fight the world, and not each other. I’m prophesied to save the world, and I want to. At the same time, you’ll do anything to save me. That got in the way when we were looking for the keys last semester.”
“I just want to protect you. It feels like my purpose,” Charlie confessed, somewhat longingly.
“We need to do things together. We’re a team. We always have been,” I said. “You can’t just… defend me from the world and expect that I’ll never get hurt. You’ve got to let me take the necessary risks, and in exchange, I’ll be okay with you making the calls to keep me safe.”
