Yes. I desired power. And like Lady Magdalina had said, it was time that I reached out and took it for my own.
As Ethan ended the kiss, I said, “I know what I want. I want that throne. And I want you.”
Ethan’s eyes darkened with surprise. “Are you certain? You aren’t doing this for me?”
“Of course not. I’m doing this… for myself.” I almost gasped as I realized the truth. “I have to accept that I can no longer be the person I once was. I have a chance to change things in Malovia for the good of everyone. This is about the people, and everything we can do to make this world a better place. Not just for the fae, but for you and me as well.”
Ethan frowned. "I merely don't want to lose you because of this."
"You won't," I said— though the wiggle of a lie festered in my stomach. “I'll do whatever it takes to remain by your side."
And I vowed that not only to him, but to my soul. I would stay by Ethan for as long as the gods permitted me to, until I took my last breath. It was a promise that I would keep until my prophecy demanded my death.
“I couldn’t walk away from this. I’d never forgive myself,” I added. “And as scary as this is, I know this is the path Milonna has chosen for me. More than that— it’s the path I’ve chosen for myself. If I’m meant to be queen, it’s happening now.”
Ethan nodded. “Are you ready? You must show courage.”
“As long as you’re beside me, I will be brave,” I promised. “You’re all the courage I need.”
Ethan kissed my forehead. “I thank you,onawilke. I couldn’t do this without you.”
“You’re lucky you have a cute ass,” I joked, and he gave a wry smile.
Ethan and I remained on the roof for a while longer, until I told him there was one last thing I had to do.
Later that night, I let myself into Lady Magdaliana’s office without announcing myself. If I was going to allow myself to step into this role of queen, I had to start acting like it.
Lady Magdalina was standing over her desk, hunched over a stack of papers that were signed with cursive signatures. They had to be declarations of nobles to become Circle members. She glanced upward as I entered, but said nothing.
“I understand now what you said about power,” I told Lady Magdalina. “I am ready now. I will take what I desire with ice and malice.”
Lady Magdalina gave a thin-lipped smile. “Good. The Trial of Tears will begin tomorrow, and it is then you will sip the nectar of the gods. You’d better get some rest. You will need it.”
The worst partof the Trial of Tears was not knowing what to expect. I knew the Trial wouldn’t be easy. Far from it. But unlike most of the terrifying things I’d faced, I typically knew what was coming.
Not so now. I wasn’t sure what I’d experience once I tasted the nectar of the gods, and that was what frightened me the most. The nectar made you conquer your worst fear, or go mad, but I wasn’t even sure what my worst fearwas. I knew I feared letting everyone down— letting myself down— but I wasn’t sure how that would manifest after I entered the trance the nectar put me in.
According to a note slipped under my door by Lady Magdalina, the newly appointed Circle would be waiting for us at the Sacred Gathering in the middle of the woods, along with some priestesses. I was shocked Lady Magdalina had managed to install them overnight, but apparently, the woman could do anything if she had enough motivation.
A news article had run inThe Annual Arcaneathat morning on Ethan and I’s intention to partake in the Trial of Tears. I told myself not to read the comments on the article online, but I did anyway. The reactions were a mixture of shock, support, and revulsion. Most fae were merely curious to see how we would perform, though others clearly wished for our demise.
Whatever. We’d show them.
I roused myself from an uneasy sleep. Tygrys had pulled out clothes for me. He levitated a blue cotton dress with flowing sleeves in front of me, along with a pair of soft white slip-on shoes.
It was the same dress I’d worn the night we’d lost the King’s Contest. Knowing I had to put on a show, I slipped on the dress and curled my hair before applying a bit of makeup. Tygrys growled a wish of good luck as I shut the door behind me.
Ethan was already waiting for me. He had on a billowing white shirt and a pair of plain trousers. He looked more ready than I did to take on the Trial. I wish I shared some of his confidence.
We said nothing, merely stood side by side, to face whatever was approaching together. We walked hand-in-hand down to the gardens, where Lady Magdalina had a carriage waiting for us.
The wreckage from the battle was half cleaned up. The workers from the school, as well as some volunteers, had come to remove the bodies and repair the university using magic. The debris was gone, and I was certain the castle itself would be back to its prestigious self by the end of the week, though the repairs in Dolinska would probably take longer, due to having to fill the cave-in.
No funerals had been held for any fallen soldiers or students. Elijah’s body had been prepared, and was lying in-state at Milonna’s cathedral, but official rites hadn’t been performed.
“I don’t see why you want to give Elijah a funeral,” I told Ethan. “He doesn’t deserve one.”
“It is tradition, and he was a king,” Ethan replied. “We’ll see to it after we’re crowned. It’s the right thing to do.”
