Kallie and Marcus were taking it so well. It made me feel so loved. Maybe ending up in prison was worth it, just to call these guys my friends. You couldn’t find a better group anywhere.
“I’d just like to move on,” I confessed. “It happened so long ago, but it seems like it still affects so much of my life.”
“Ava, what happened to you was very traumatic, and I’m deeply sorry for that,” Takahashi said. “I do want you to grasp that you are not a prisoner to the man who attacked you. Don’t allow him to control you. Every day, you have a choice to take back your life. And although it might be hard, and sometimes painful, the best revenge you could ever have is to live a life that’s full and happy. He has taken enough from you. Refuse to give him anything more.”
Charlie nodded, and Takahashi’s words resonated with me. It wasn’t like I purposefully wanted to give John power. I was a strong Koigni woman, after all. I had my own opinion and way about things, and I was damn stubborn about living life on my own terms.
But as much as I hated to admit it, John had driven a wedge between Charlie and me. We were close, but there was so much more I wanted to explore with him. I didn’t want to just share my soul with Charlie. I wanted to share my body, too. I didn’t want anything, past or present, holding me back.
“Ava, I can’t even imagine what you went through,” Kallie said. “I’ve never been… you know… but I’ve been through some things that were similar, and that was horrible enough.”
“Like?” Marcus’ voice rose several pitches, like he was scared to find out.
Kallie shrugged. “That shifter I told you about— the one I chose to fight beside me in the King’s Contest— he was pretty creepy. He wouldn’t leave me alone. There were a couple of times he cornered me and touched me in places I didn’t like. I had to use magic to make him back off. I don’t know what would’ve happened if I wasn’t able to defend myself. The last time he got me alone, I hexed him.”
Marcus turned beet red, and his hands began to shake. I remembered what he’d told us during the Darke Games— that he’d lost his temper and his magic had exploded out of him, killing eleven people. It was what he was in the Institute for. I was suddenly wondering if our counseling session would end with the room in a crater, and us in several pieces.
Charlie spoke up, because it was obvious if no one said anything, Marcus was going to lose it. “Good for you for using your magic on him.”
Kallie laughed darkly. “Should’ve made it more permanent.”
“What a creep,” Marcus finally spat. “I can’t believe there are guys walking around like that. And you were willing to be with someone like him, for the rest of your life, to rule your country?”
“For Malovia? I’d do anything,” Kallie replied. “My nation is my home. Back then, it meant everything to me.”
“I don’t want him anywhere near you ever again,” Marcus growled. The drawing pencil he’d been holding in his hand snapped.
Ancestors,somebodyhad a jealous streak. You couldn’t convince me or anyone else in the world Marcus didn’t have a crush on Kallie now.
“Well, that’s one good thing about the Institute. He can’t bother me here,” Kallie replied.
I adamantly agreed. Things at the prison weren’t always coming up roses, but at least behind these walls, John was far, far away.
Takahashi wrote down a few things on his clipboard, then set it aside. “I think we should end our session early today. We made a lot of progress, and we should give it some time to let you all adjust to what we’ve shared. Please remember to take care of yourselves.”
Marcus and Kallie gathered their things. They had a study session for some class later they had to get to. Kallie looked around, like she suddenly realized something was missing. “Shit. My bag! IswearI brought it in here… or maybe not? Where could it be?”
“You didn’t have it with us in Substance Abuse this morning,” I said.
Her face fell. “That’s right, I didn’t. I have no idea where it could be,” Kallie worried. “My project for Fae Illusion was in there. It’s due tomorrow.”
“I’ll help you,” Marcus volunteered. “Guys, can we borrow Oberi? His nose might help us find it.”
“Go right ahead,” I said, before Charlie could say yes. I wanted some private time with my man, and though I loved our Familiar, it was best he wasn’t around for what I had in mind.
Charlie didn’t object. He was fine if Oberi was with Kallie and Marcus, but nobody else. Kallie and Marcus hurried off with Rishi and Oberi. Oberi’s nose was already to the ground, on the hunt.
Takahashi gave me a kind nod as we left, and the gesture touched me. I smiled at him slightly as Charlie and I wound down the spiraling tower and to the main floor of the Institute.
“I’m proud of you, pidge,” Charlie said. “I know that had to be tough.”
“It wasn’t as hard as when I told you,” I said. “And now that Kallie and Marcus know, I can keep moving forward.”
A loud chime rang throughout the school as the hour changed, and my heart beat wildly. It was four o’clock. Ivy’s secret room was open and up for grabs.
Ivy’s words came back to me— his advice onowningmy sexuality, and not allowing John to have control of my life. I wanted to have domination over my body, my feelings and my power. What had happened to me was in the past, and I had a brand new world of sex and feelings to explore. I wasn’t going to let my trauma ruin what I had ahead of me, or destroy my future. The therapy session had really helped me to feel like I was freer than before. Things were out in the open, my friends knew, and it was no longer a secret. Therefore, it didn’t have a strong hold on me. I had been refraining from letting my sensuality flow because I was scared of it, but I didn’t want to be afraid anymore. I wanted to feel in control.
And I wanted to show Charlie Wahkin just how much he meant to me.
