“Charlie,” Ava breathed as I stepped onto the balcony. Chilly air brushed across my arms, and the cloud cover was so thick, I couldn’t feel the sunlight. “What are you doing here? I thought I made it pretty clear I wanted to be alone.”
“You’ve had plenty of time to be alone while I was in the infirmary,” I reminded her. I wasn’t harsh about it, but it came out sounding less than friendly. “We need to talk.”
“What Ineedis space,” she argued.
I sensed she meant it on a deeper level, and that fucking hurt. I kept my voice steady. “I know you, pidge. You don’t need space. You’re uncomfortable with the thought of someone caring about you, so you isolate yourself and push me away, because it’s easier for you to be alone than fight for me.”
Ava went silent. It was obvious my accusation was truer than she cared to admit.
“It’salwayslike that with me,” I said bitterly. “People don’t want me around, just like my dad didn’t.”
She blew a breath. “That’s unfair, Charlie. You know your dad looked for you. And you know I want you. It’s just… I’m still trying to process it all.”
“Which iswhywe need to talk,” I practically begged. I reached out for her, but she yanked away.
“I know,” she said in a small voice. “It’s just… too hard.”
Her words startled me, and my airways began to close. For the briefest of moments, her wall crumbled down, and I knew this wasn’t about what we’d been through. She wasn’t ready for what wasaboutto happen.
Neither was I.
I swallowed down all emotion, because the pain was too much to bear. We had to get this over with, or we’d avoid it forever, which was dangerous for us both.
“Those flowers you gave me weren’t a get-well gift, were they?” I realized. “They were goodbye.”
I knew they were sad when I touched them, but I didn’t quite understand it until now.
She sniffled. “I-I don’t know. Please don’t make me do this.”
Hell, I thought she might tell me I was wrong. I’dhopedthat this was all in my head, and she could convince me otherwise, but Ava and I had found ourselves at the same place— a place where the pain ran so deep not even our connection, magical or otherwise, could heal it.
“I don’t want to make you do anything,” I whispered. I couldn’t find the breath to speak any louder. “This is my choice.”
I knew in that moment that it had to be this way. I wanted to fight for her with every fiber of my being, but I also wanted to protect her— protect usboth. And to do that,Ihad to be the one to make the decision, because she wasn’t strong enough to do it.
“What are you saying?” Ava’s voice cracked. She wasn’t angry or even surprised. It was like she simply wasn’t ready to hear it out loud.
“I’m saying we need to break up.” My stomach twisted into knots, and all I wanted to do was break down and cry. I couldn’t actuallywantthis, could I?
A part of me did, and I had to do it now, or I’d never be able to let her go.
Ava sniffled. “You sure?”
Hell, my heart felt as if it was being ripped out of my chest.
“I think it’s what we both want,” I said gently. “We both know this isn’t going to work.”
She hiccupped. “I just... never thought we’d actually go through with it.”
“Me, either,” I replied solemnly. I pushed down all feelings I could manage, though they forced themselves upward. I thought I might hurl. I felt the need to justify it— more for myself than for Ava, I think.
“It’s just… we found Forevermore,” I began. “I found my birth family. Forevermore could’ve been my home, once I got over the shock of it all. But now it’sgone, like every other home I’ve ever had. All I’ve ever wanted was a home and a family, and someone to love. That’s why I’ve been holding so tight to you.”
I took a rattling breath. “But you’re never going to want to settle down. You love adventure, and I need something permanent and stable, because I never had that as a kid. I need someone who will be by my side forever, someone Iknowwill stay, and I don’t know if you can offer that. We want different things.”
I just kept rambling, like I needed more reasons to convince us both. “Everything I’ve ever had has been taken away from me… and pidge, I can’t stand if you were taken from me, too. If we go into this relationship any deeper, I don’t know how either of us will survive it. And I know that if we stay together, the Warden will use us against each other. He already has, and it nearly killed me. The prophecy has already started, and it’s going to break us apart one way or another. We’ve gotten too close. It will be easier for both of us to fulfill our duties if we do this now. I have to make this decision, for both of us.”
Her breath wavered, like she knew the truth but it was too difficult to hear. “This prophecy isso unfair. I love you, Charlie, but I can’t choose between saving you and saving the world. I have an obligation to fulfill this prophecy, but the closer you are to me, the more likely you are to die. And I just don’t think I’ll be able to fulfill it with you around.”
