My friends parted, and I saw Ethan. He reached out to give me a hug. “That was an excellent program,onawilke.”
I buried my face into his jacket. I felt so warm and safe in Ethan’s arms. His praise lifted my spirits so high, it was like I could see the heavens. I really wanted him to kiss me, but I knew I couldn’t expect that. “Thanks, baby.”
Oh, crap. I hadn’t planned to let that slip out. Ethan stiffened. I pulled away, before I could make things worse. He averted his eyes from me, looking down. Alexei hurriedly stepped between us to break the tension.
“Hey, Arthur asked if you wanted to get together for dinner. Jasper got third for his short. He’s got a chance to qualify for the European Championships if he gets the podium tomorrow. We’re going out to celebrate,” Alexei said.
“Um, sure?” I asked, giving a side-glance at Ethan. If Arthur was there, Finlay would be, too. I expected Ethan to object, but he just shrugged and said nothing.
We met Arthur and the others at some bar in Dolinska not long after. I was sure Ethan and Finlay were going to break out into a brawl, but they sat at opposite sides of the table and didn’t talk… or look at each other. Everyone else chatted, laughed, and drank. I stayed away from drinking and made sure to have something light and healthy, to give me energy for tomorrow.
Not that it did me any good that night. I couldn’t sleep at all. Though I was happy with my performance for the day, there was a lot at stake tomorrow. I could still lose my place on the podium easily if I botched my long program— plus I’d never skated it before in competition, so I was worried how the audience would take it.
I had an early practice the next morning. Afterward, I came back to my dorm to take a nap before the big final that night. Around four o’clock, I needed to leave, but I just couldn’t bring myself to. I felt too paralyzed with fear to leave my dorm. This was just as bad as the anxiety I had before the King’s Contest. It was stupid to think of it that way, as I could’ve died in the Contest, and I most likelywouldn’tdie as a result of a figure skating competition, but for some reason, the thought of messing up and losing my dreams scared me even more.
I rummaged through my drawers for something to give me support. I don’t know what I was looking for. A good luck charm, maybe?
I heard a growl, and turned around. Tygrys was fluttering in the air, holding up the corner of a sleeve to a shirt that I’d thrown across the back of my desk chair.
Ethan’s hockey jersey. I’d never returned it. I slipped it on over my dress and took a breath. It still smelled like him.
Okay.NowI was ready. I headed to the rink. Lady Magdalina made me jog laps back and forth along the hallway. I was forced to remove my jacket and Ethan’s jersey as I performed all my warm-up exercises.
Once I got my skates on and stepped onto the ice for my practice skate with the other competitors, I had the thought I wanted to die. The nervousness I felt now was far worse than the day before. There was a black pit crawling over my skin like a thousand tiny bugs, eating away at me piece by piece.
Gabby observed my dress with a mixture of curiosity and trepidation. She’d never seen my new long program and was worried about what I was going to do. I’d chosen a purple dress with gossamer sleeves and gold sequins, as I was skating toRomeo and Julietand wanted to play the part. Her jet-black dress of dark feathers and red gems painted her as the evil Black Swan. I knew her long program was flawless and she’d been practicing it for years, which meant I needed to be at the top of my game.
That practice was worse than my first. I fell on all my jumps— every single time. I even stepped out of a couple of my spins. It was like I was a beginner all over again. As I skated, terrible thoughts began invading my mind.
You know figure skating’s all politics. The judges love Gabby. She’s their queen. You’re a scandalous commoner. You don’t have a chance of impressing them.
Would the judges even let me go to the European Championships if I won? I’d cheated in the Contest. They’d remember that for sure. They wouldn’t want someone like me representing the whole country in one of their most cherished sports.
My grandmother’s face in the crowd was reassuring. I did a quick evaluation of my energy, and immediately felt this dark, negative space hanging over me like a dark cloud.
I’d brought some salt with me just in case. I needed it now. I headed to the locker room and shuffled through my skating bag. I sat on the bench, lit the candle and poured some salt into a bowl I’d brought, closing my eyes and attempting to clear my energy. Once I began to focus, the dark cloud over me began to lift, bit by bit.
“What are you doing, you weirdo?” Gabby snarled.
She’d followed me into the locker room. “It’s a ritual I do.” She couldn’t see the black tendrils— that was only reserved for heavy dark magic, like the leshane, and all I was trying to lift now were nerves. As far as she knew, I was sticking my fingers into a bowl of salt for no reason.
“Your stupid little tricks aren’t going to work. You’re going to blow your program, and I’ll be there to watch,” she added.
I refused to open my eyes and concentrated on the salt. Gabby made a skeptical noise and walked out, slamming the door behind her.
I took ten more minutes to focus, clearing out my energy and blocking out the rest of the world. While I did, I listened to the music of my long program over and over, envisioning a perfect program. By the time I felt my energy completely clear, Lady Magdalina had arrived to tell me I was up.
As we came to the boards, the fresh smell of clean ice overwhelmed my senses. I stepped onto the ice to wait my turn to be announced. Lady Magdalina observed me. “How do you feel, Emmaline?”
“Better,” I said, but I wasn’t completely there. A bit of disbelief that I could really do this still held me back.
“Figure skating is the culmination of believing in yourself. It’s what allows us to defy gravity and perform the impossible.” Lady Magdalina smiled. “Just like fae magic, if you have faith that you can, you will. Believe it into reality, and the podium will be yours.”
“Yes, coach.” Magdalina was right. If I believed, I would achieve. I could leave no room for doubt.
I skated onto the ice, this time with a genuine smile. Instead of being nervous, like I was before my short, I felt completely calm. This is what I was born to do. Win or lose, I just wanted to skate. I’d come to perform today to an audience and give the crowd an experience. Nothing else mattered.
And that’s how it was. The audience and the judges fell away as I began to skate to the music. I was no longer Emma, no longer myself. I was a girl in love with a boy I shouldn’t be, living in Verona and cursed to a star crossed romance that could only end in tragedy. I fell into the illusion of the story, and used my skates to weave the tale as I spun into one spin, and then another. My footwork sewed seamless patterns into the ice, and the crowd became still as the emotion I felt for Shakespeare’s timeless love story showed upon my face.
