“Emma, you need to be careful about making this very permanent choice. Once this is done, you can never go back.” Mom stared at me. Her look was pleading. I was breaking her heart by making this admission.
I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “I know, Mom. But if there’s nothing left, I have to do this. To protect myself. Please help me.”
Mom nodded. She got up from the table, and took down from a bookshelf a very old and battered diary. “I wrote my own breaking ceremony down. It’s the only thing that severed the connection between myself and King Lycus.”
Mom opened the diary and began shuffling through the yellowed pages. “Listen closely, Emma. I’ll only teach you this once. You can make the decision from there.”
That Saturday wasthe first round of the women’s free skate at the Malovian National Championships. I’d be skating my short program at six o’clock, right after the men’s short program.
I hadn’t decided if I was going through with the breaking ceremony or not. This wasn’t the right weekend— I needed my focus to be on the competition, not on Ethan and I.
I’d practiced the cleansing ceremony every day. My energy felt clear, and I was calm. I was prepared to compete. The only thing that mattered was the ice.
Figure skating was determined by a tally of points. Jumps, spins, and artistry all combined to create the final score. The scores of a skater’s short program and the long program were added together in order to determine a skater’s placing. The top three placings would go on to compete in the European Championships early next year.
I needed a spot on that podium. The European Championships were the first step to going on to qualify for Worlds later. Not only that, the Malovian National Championships next year would determine who would go on to represent Malovia in the next Winter Olympics. If I wanted to establish myself as a competitor, and have a chance of making the team, I had to prove myself now, and have a history of winning so I’d be chosen to compete.
That’s if the prophecy doesn’t kill you first, a mean voice in my head added, but I pushed it aside. There was no magic today, no fairy tales. I’d been working on this dream for nearly twenty years. Now that my chance to shine was here, I couldn’t miss my shot for anything. Prophecies and doom would have to wait.
The Malovian National Championships were being held at the Arcanea University Ice Rink, which made sense, because the arena itself was massive. I liked that I was in my comfort zone at my home rink, and wouldn’t have to adjust to a new environment while trying to prove myself.
I got to the rink a few hours early, to begin my warm-up. I really wanted to watch Jasper skate, but his program was close to the end of the men’s competition, and I wouldn’t have enough time to get ready for my own skate if I was watching him. I jogged up and down the basement hallways, mentally ran through my program and practiced my jumps in my tennis shoes. As I stretched, I was feeling pretty confident. I felt ready to go on the ice.
Gabby was here, of fucking course. Because being queen obviously wasn’t enough to support her fat head. She wanted a gold medal, too. Apparently, she wanted to be Malovia’s darling sports hero on top of being its fascist dictator. She sneered my way, but I turned my back on her and tried not to let her in my head. Figure skating was twenty percent talent, eighty percent mind games. Gabby was good at those, which was why she’d gotten this far. I couldn’t afford to be another one of her victims. She had a bright red dress on that matched her tango music, and her hellish personality. Her hair was slicked back, and her makeup was done so fiercely, I wasn’t sure if she was trying to win the judges over or scare them.
Since I’d changed my long program into my short, I was wearing the outfit I’d chosen for Swan Lake. It was a white dress, with glistening black sequins that made the shape of feathers on my torso. As I was getting ready in the locker room, I scowled at my reflection in the mirror. My dress still fit, but it was almost too small. My infusions were making me gain weight, as indicated by the slight bump on my stomach that had become permanent. My form was more muscular than lithe now. My thighs and arms were thicker, and my face was fuller than it used to be.
My body had definitely changed from a year ago, and I didn’t know if the judges would like it. They preferred tiny skaters.
Well, screw them. I’d make up for it with my jumps. I reminded myself that though I looked different now, I was healthier since I started my infusions. I’d looked back at pictures from before I was diagnosed, and it was clear I wasn’t well. My skin was ashen, and bags were under my eyes. I was stick-figure thin from my body struggling to support itself without the help of my nonexistent immune system. If my body was clinging on to weight now, it was because it didn’t have to use every ounce of support it needed to survive anymore, and I wanted to be grateful for that.
Still… it was difficult to get used to a body that was completely different from the one I’d known all my life. It felt like I was piloting an alien meat suit, but fuck it. At least one thing hadn’t changed, and that was my love for skating.
I forced my hair back into a bun and attached a feathered headpiece to complete the outfit, unashamed of the person that I had become, and all I still had yet to be.
Lady Magdalina stood in the middle of the hallway, making sure Gabby and I were kept apart. She barked orders every now and then, but mostly, kept her sharp eyes fixated on what we were doing.
It felt like forever until the moment we were finally called to put on our skates for our warm-up. Nerves jolted through my stomach and ricocheted through my entire body. It was enough to make me want to puke. The crowd roared as we stepped onto the ice, and I swear, my insides bottomed out. The stands were packed— figure skating was a big thing in Malovia, and every seat in the arena was taken. I tried to block out the noise, yet it vibrated in my ears.
I did a few spins and went to open my practice with a triple loop. The attempt was sloppy, and my arms were loose. I immediately fell out of it. Redness rose to my cheeks. Had I really just flopped that in front of all these people?
I tried again. The loop was worse than the first attempt, and this time, I fell on my ass. I kept my head down, hoping nobody had seen that.
Gabby did. She gave me a smirking look as she watched me brush ice off my tights. You know, if I gave her a good punch, would the judges put some extra points on my score?
The rest of my practice was just as horrible. I couldn’t land anything. Lady Magdalina's mouth grew thin as she watched me fail time and time again.
I was considering running out of the rink with my skates still on. If my practice was this bad, there was no telling how awful my short program would be. I didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of my country. This event was televised, for the gods’ sakes. It was the rivalry of the century, as the papers had called it. Everyone was excited to see me and Gabby go up against each other again after our battle in the King’s Contest, and for Milonna’s sake, I didnotwant to lose to her. Giving her the crown had been my first mistake. I wouldn’t make it again.
My eyes scanned the crowd, looking for a few familiar faces. Babcia and Bapa had shown up to watch me compete, though I noticed they’d taken seats on the opposite side of the rink from my mother. Arthur and Vara were here, sitting with Jasper and Ozzie. He must’ve just finished his skate, and looked pretty pleased with himself. Finlay gave a wave when he caught my attention, and I shot him a grin, though it was pretty forced. I was sucking ass out here.
A row down from them, my friends sat. Odette, Delmare, and Kiara were bothering the crowd. They were waving giant signs they’d made the night before to cheer me on, and blocking the view of several people. Their crazy cheers sounded like a rugby match and not a figure skating competition. Alexei waved a tiny wolven flag in support. Theo was yelling at Stefan for dumping nachos on his lap.
Then my breath caught. Ethan was here. I’d thought he’d be too sick to show up, but there he was, sitting on the other side of Stefan. He couldn’t take his gaze off me. He gave the smallest smile, and it was warm and kind. He looked excited.
His comfort made my insides warm, and my nerves began to settle. I wanted to impress my mate and do well today. Nobody’s else’s opinion mattered here, not even the judges, so long as I won Ethan’s pride. I wanted to skate for him alone.
The warm up was over, and we were asked to leave the ice. I headed to the locker room, to wait my turn before my skate. I was skating last— I fuckinghatedskating last. I passed Amantha on my way off the ice— she was first. She almost looked green as she took her spot for her short program.
