That couldn’t happen. We’d done so much work last semester to help him find who he was. He couldn’t backslide now.
I was barely able to stomach a chicken-salad sandwich, though it’d looked amazing when I’d picked it up. We didn’t say much as we ate. When we were nearly done, I said, “You should leave your prosthetic off for a few days, at least until we get back to class. The infection needs time to heal.”
Ethan shrugged. I threw the takeout containers away, and sat across from him. Tygrys kneaded his paws on the blanket.
We had to talk about this. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“I gave the final blow.” His voice was deadened, a wasteland.
“We have to face facts. Lucien had this planned with Lady Magdalina. They’d probably decided on it before your trial even started. They had weeks to strategize.”
I took a breath. “I hate to admit this, but if anything, Lucien killed himself. He chose his own death. And that’s just as important to the fae as anything, to decide how they will die. He had an honorable death in battle. He’ll be escorted by Milonna to the Great Hunting Grounds.”
“He didn’thaveto die, Emma.”
“Sacrifices have to be made,” I insisted, remembering Magdalina’s words from earlier. “You can’t blame yourself. Lucien knew what he was doing, and he was willing to give his life up for you. You can’t repay him by giving up. The best way you can honor his sacrifice is to keep moving forward.”
“If I hadn’t become the Phantom, hadn’t gotten caught—”
“Then thousands of people would be dead,” I finished. “Ethan, your work as the Phantom saved countless lives, especially during the Slaughter of the Innocents. If we hadn’t stepped in, the casualties from that night would’ve been even greater than they are. And if Lucien was here, he’d tell you he was honored to give up his life to save the lives of others. It was in his blood to serve Malovia, just like you. To be angry at him for his choice to save you is to dishonor his legacy.”
I knew Ethan was pondering this, because he remained silent. Tygrys cooed. The lights in the room dimmed at his magic, and I said, “You need to sleep. We’re safe for now. Everything is going to be all right.”
Ethan laid back and pulled the blanket over him. I crawled beside him, and he put his head against my chest. Though it was the middle of the day, Ethan was out in moments.
I couldn’t sleep. I stroked Ethan’s hair and counted his soft breaths as I watched a sliver of sunlight creep through the curtains.
Looking back was a waste of time. Lucien was gone forever. There was no bringing him back. He’d paid the ultimate cost to make sure Ethan remained at my side, so I could fulfill my destiny as the Worldweaver.
I used to be afraid of the prophecy. Any mention of it before would paralyze me with fear.
Now that we’d lost Lord Lucien? I wasn’t afraid of a damn thing. Lucien had believed I’d fulfill my task and save the fae, so I was determined to do just that.
No matter what price I had to pay, I wasn’t going to let him down.
Time seemed stuckfor the next week. Ethan stayed in my dorm room and didn’t come out. All our friends had to come visit him. There was worry in their gazes, but I’d told them to be patient. He would come around.
We weren’t intimate. We barely talked. Day by day, his shock ebbed, but it never completely faded.
I could sense he wasn’t interested in conversation, but he needed my presence. I worked on translating the Unseelie grimoire in silence as he slept day and night.
I didn’t breathe a word of the stones or my prophecy. Neither of us were ready for that yet. We needed a break.
Monday morning was the first day of class. When we got up that morning, he told me he was going to move back to his dorm room across the hall.
I was sad he was leaving. I’d grown used to waking up beside him every morning. But we were pushing the rules as it was, and getting in trouble with a teacher for violating school policy was the last thing we needed right now.
But maybe it was a good thing. If Ethan wanted his own room back, maybe he could handle being on his own.
Before class, Ethan and I visited the Malovian Royal Cemetery, located a block away from the palace. It was where all the members of the Circle were buried, and most of the monarchy... save for kings and queens, who were interned at Milonna’s cathedral.
It was the first time we’d visited Lord Lucien’s grave. We hadn’t managed to salvage much from the pyre, but while I was taking care of Ethan, our friends had gathered the ashes they could so Lord Lucien could have a proper burial.
The dirt was covered by a thin layer of snow, and yet you could tell the grave was hardly a week old. Flowers were gathered around the grave— Lord Lucien had been a popular teacher. Everyone loved him. We stood at his headstone, looking down at his name upon the marker.
LORD MICHAL LUCIEN
1980 - 2021
