Alistair: I was performing an experiment.
Callum: You were fifteen.
Alistair: And now we know a battery will get caught in your oesophagus.
Juniper: The real question here should be, how did he get Isla? She’s a solid ten.
Alistair: What’s that supposed to mean?
Mal: If you need any dating advice, you can come to me.
Alistair: Piss off. I don’t need dating advice from my wee brother.
Juniper: I’d probably take his advice.
Heather: BURN.
Alistair:
Alistair: Wasn’t April your first girlfriend, Mal?
Mal: And now she’s my wife. I baggedFHM’s sexiest woman of 2018 on my first try.
April: Oh, please. I bagged you.
Mal: True.
Heather: This doesn’t answer my original question. You and Isla?
Alistair: No comment.
Heather: Fine. I’ll ask her.
10
Isla
Heather: Do I need to stage an intervention?
Isla: ???
Heather: You and my brother. The leg rubbing and the googly eyes he was giving you at the committee meeting, I thought I was going to have to hose the two of you down.
Isla: Googly eyes?
Heather: Are you having a psychotic break?
Isla: Abducted by aliens feels more likely.
Heather: I learned my lesson with Juniper and Callum. I will not be inserting myself into this situation. I said you needed to get laid and if it has to be my brother well . . . so be it.
Isla: So be it? Are you having a personal growth moment?
Heather: I said so be it. Not that I’m happy.
After I agreed to his crazy plan, Alistair had been keen toget this show on the road.Whatever the hell that meant.Ringing the town bell and sucking each other’s tongues on the village green perhaps?
I’d been too frightened to ask. So, like an adult, I’d avoided him for a few days, begging the need to check in with Teddy first if he was going to be spending time with her.
