Yesterday he’d come into Brown’s to grab coffee on his lunch hour. Then he spent the majority of his visit looming over me while I practised latte art.
“Impressive,” he’d uttered – much too close to my ear – at my first successful swan.
“Are you trying to throw me off?”
“No, but I’m wondering why you haven’t texted me back about dinner tonight.”
“Sorry. Jess invited me to her book club.”
“I see.” He’d stepped in closer until my nostrils were full of him. “You got a better offer. What will it take to sway you my way?”Very little. Did he have to be so handsome? “What if I buy dessert?”
“Don’t mock me, Macabe. If there’s dessert, I’m making it.”
“Then I’ll cook.”
“More swamp juice?” I’d rolled my eyes which made him smile. He smiled so easily these days. Was I a fool to hope it was because of me? “Don’t worry, I’ve got it covered.”
“Okay, then. I’m paying.” He’d pulled out his wallet, sliding two twenty-pound notes over the counter.
“Oh, you don’t have to—”
“Don’t argue,” he’d cut me off. “I’m paying, even if all you do is pick up Teddy’s favourite crappy frozen pizzas.”
I had bought crappy frozen pizzas. He’d eaten them without complaint, eyes glued toTheLion Kinglike it was the first time he’d ever seen it, even though he’d watched it with Teddy at least five times by then. Before he’d slipped through the connecting door, he’d pressed the sweetest kiss to my forehead. I was certain I could feel the imprint of his lips lingering twelve hours later. Like he’d tattooed an unspoken promise onto my skin.
“If it’s so perfect, why do you look like you’re about to burst into tears?” Heather asked, dragging me back to the present.
Because the lie feels like it’s starting to unravel.
The words I couldn’t utter tangled on my tongue. So, I went with something true. “Teddy really cares about him.”
“And so do you.” She nodded. “Now you’re terrified that it won’t work out, and Teddy will get hurt by another man she trusted, making you the worst mother in the world because you let him into her life, blah, blah, blah.” She rolled a finger.
I blinked. “Are you living inside my head?”
“Oh, please, I wasn’t born yesterday. And in case you’re forgetting.” She threw a hand toward Ava and Emily. “I’m in exactly the same position you are. You think I don’t have those exact same fears about letting someone new into theirlife? Why do you think I have a strictno sex with men from the islandrule?”
Of course she did. I knewshe did. I’d seen the way she purposely avoided Mr Summers’ probing stares at school. The difference was that Alistair and I would only end one way. “I’m sorry—”
“Don’t apologise. That’s not what I’m saying.” She huffed out a breath. “All I mean is, Alistair isn’t perfect . . . he’d be the first one to tell you that he’s made mistakes. But I really don’t believe he’d hurt you like that. He wouldn’t.”
“That’s not—”
“Please let me finish.” She gripped both of my hands. “I know I tease him about being all slick and throwing his money around, but that’s just his way of showing that he cares. He’s been that way since we were kids. I missed a lot of it, being the youngest, but now I look back, and I – I see how hard my dad was on my brothers, and I love him and miss him, but I hate him for that, y’know?” Her eyes turned glassy. “For making them believe they weren’t good enough. Alistair always carried his heart like it was something breakable – something to be protected.
“So, if you’re afraid because he hasn’t given you the words to assure you, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. The day after Mike left me” – her nose wrinkled at the mention of her ex-husband’s name – “this huge food delivery turned up on my doorstep. More packets of pasta than I could fit in my tiny pantry. Food I didn’t even eat anymore like Pop-Tarts, Turkey Twizzlers, all the stuff I loved as a kid. There was no name on the order, but another one came the next week and the next week, and he never ever mentioned it but I knew it was him. Taking care of me even though he rarely picked up the phone to call.”
“Heather—” I breathed, my heart twisting for him.
I’d seen it over and over. The way Alistair always held himself back from his family, taking care of them from afar. The doorbell. The robot hoover. Helping out at the distillery whenever he had a free moment.
I also knewhedidn’t see himself that way.
It only made me like him all the more.
“Okay, that was shitty of me.” She turned on the narrow seat. “It’s not my place to try and influence you to keep dating my brother. We’ll always be friends, even if you guys break up,” she promised. “But I do feel like it’s my responsibility as his bratty little sister to say that, when you aren’t looking, my brother stares at you like you hung the fucking moon then went back to add the stars. And we’re all scared to see him get his heart broken because we know he won’t let any of us help him. He’ll just turn into this lonely bitter old man, threating kids every time they play on his lawn.”
I laughed, the sound tight in my throat. “He’s already done that a time or two.”
