“I don’t understand,” I say softly, being completely honest. “Why are you saying this?”
Ivan rubs at the light stubble on his jaw, looking more torn up by this than he’s letting on. “Because I’ve taken enoughfrom you. All you ever wanted was the right to choose, even before me, and I didn’t give you that. It mattered, but I didn’t act like it did.”
“And you’re giving it to me now.”
He nods once, decisive, but not happy either. “It’s not that I don’t want this, but if you stay, it has to be because you want to. Not because you’re afraid, or because you think this is your only option.”
“And you think it’ll be safer if I leave?” I ask, heart clenching now.
“I think my life is dangerous. Maybe even more dangerous than I’ve ever wanted you to know, but I don’t get to pretend otherwise anymore.” Ivan takes a small step closer, letting his hand rest on the table next to mine, close but not close enough. “I never wanted to cage you, Mila, but somehow, that’s exactly what I did.”
Looking down at my hands now, able to see how their shaking has slowed significantly, I know that means something.
“You’re right about one thing,” I start, considering my words. “I’m going to choose, because I should have from the start.”
Ivan’s gaze lifts almost cautiously at first, but sparks of hope and fear trickle in too.
Meeting his eyes, softening at the way he seems to fight internally with this, I gently reach for his hand. “I’m choosing to stay.”
For a moment, he almost looks stunned, like I’ve slapped him, then more of that remorse comes through. “Mila…”
“I don’t want to leave,” I tell him with more conviction. “Not because I’m afraid, or because I don’t think I could survive without you. But because I want to.”
He looks at me, shaking his head faintly as if he’s afraid I’m not fully understanding. “You can take time to think about this.”
“I know, and I know I can walk away, but I’m not.”
Ivan studies me closely, like he’s checking for anything I’m withholding, or any hint that I’m not making this decision on my own. Instead, he lets go of a quiet breath and sits with my words.
“Running won’t make the world any less dangerous, but it would make me alone in it,” I murmur, well aware of how my heart pounds through my vulnerability. “And I don’t want to keep your child from you, Ivan. Not when you’re already trying so hard to provide for us.”
For a moment, he almost looks like he’s been gutted while he processes everything. Then, he adjusts his hand in mine, lacing our fingers together with such care. “I don’t deserve this.”
“Maybe not. But I get to decide that.”
With a great rush of relief, Ivan bows his head until his forehead rests against mine. He takes a deep breath, like he’s trying to convince himself he’s allowed to have this, just like I did before.
It’s almost hard to see him like this, with his guard down and so openly needing this contact between us. But in a way, I think I needed to.
“I swear to you…I will spend the rest of my life proving you right.”
Giving his hand a gentle squeeze, I feel the subtle sting of tears in my eyes again. “That’s all I ask.”
After a moment, he leans a bit closer, nose brushing against my cheek. “If this is what you want—if I’m what you want—then marry me. Please.”
The request pulls the air from my lungs at once, and I almost forget to breathe in again. “Ivan…”
He pulls back just enough to hold my gaze again, expression steady and full of resolve now. “I won’t trap you, and I’m not taking away your ability to choose. But if you’ll have me, then marry me. Not because of the baby or because you feel obligated. But because I love you, and I don’t want you to ever wonder that.”
Those words throw me, forcing everything to narrow down to this moment. To the warmth and sincerity in his eyes, telling me all of this is coming from the deepest place he possesses.
At once, I see glimpses of my old self in the back of my mind. The girl who was ignored, directed, and hidden until the time was right. The woman who ran, and the one who learned how to make decisions on her own. Learned how to want again, and learned how to take everything back.
If it wasn’t for Ivan, regardless of how furious I had been with him, there’s a chance I might never have reached this point. I might never have known what it felt like to take such big risks, all for the sake of living the life I was meant to.
For all the chaos and bad times, he showed me I could want more. That I was capable of taking what I wanted. And now, I don’t want that to go away.
“Yes,” I murmur, eyes watering as I smile. “I will.”
