My pulse spikes, and I’m left speechless while I try to process it. He actually went…and he enjoyed it.
I should be furious, and definitely not standing here, indulging this topic, but my body betrays me more every second I stay. With every sliver of space that gets cut between us.
I know I should hate him more than anything, and to remind myself again and again why he is the last person I can allow myself to become comfortable around, but I can’t help it.
Knowing he was there, watching me in the crowd with the rest of the audience, makes something traitorous and warm settle in my stomach.
It’s weirdly hot.
“That’s…unexpected,” I murmur, hating myself a little more as I let my imagination get away from me.
My heart pounds too loud for me to handle, and even if I should back off, the distance between us narrows, and I don’t remember closing it. I just know that he’s close enough for me to smell his shampoo now, and for his warmth to seep into me like it was always meant to.
Tilting my head up, I meet his gaze, and despite how I expect it, there’s no triumph there. No smugness or mocking. Instead, there’s a silent and restrained anticipation that makes my skin feel hotter.
“I don’t forgive you,” I say, just above a whisper, while my resolve ebbs. “And I still don’t trust you.”
“I don’t expect you to,” Ivan utters, voice low and rougher than it had been. His eyes trace my features, soft and far too tempting.
Pulling in a slow, measured breath, my attention drops to his lips. “But I want to do something for myself, for once.”
Ivan blinks back at me, almost like he’s surprised by how close I’m allowing him to be, and I can tell he wants to say something, but he keeps his mouth shut.
Before I can lose my nerve, I lean in, bracing myself on his muscled forearm. Then I press my lips to his somewhat cautiously at first.
His breath catches, surprisingly unguarded, then he reaches for me, pulling me closer.
Fueled by defiance and a deeply-rooted desire I’ve never been able to fully explore before, choosing this because I want it, I press further, and that’s all it takes.
Ivan surrounds me at once, hands on my hips as we both let go, chasing the rush of pleasure that comes with being so close, mouth to mouth, and practically starving for it.
When his tongue brushes against my bottom lip, I part them instinctively, immediately hit with need at the way he claims my mouth. He tries to keep it slow and steady, but with a deep inhale, he pushes closer, seeking out more.
I let it happen as a thrill sparks within me, running up my spine and spurring me on. Shifting forward, I brush against him, feeling the strain beneath his waistband.
He wants this. He wants me.
That thought is both exciting and daunting, and even if my blood runs hot at the way he grinds against me, I pause.
Ivan stops when I tense up, breaking the kiss to meet my gaze. He breathes a little deeper with a vaguely wild look in his eyes that makes my knees weak. “What’s wrong?”
Blinking back at him, realizing I can’t escape this, I try to push back the flush creeping up my neck. “Nothing, I just…”
“Mila,” he murmurs, expression turning a bit more serious as his thumbs brush against my hips, “Tell me.”
With a shaky breath, I muster as much courage as I can. “I’ve never done this before.”
Ivan freezes noticeably while digesting my words, and his brows go up a bit. “You’ve never been with anyone?”
My cheeks warm now as I avert my gaze, and I nod.
Silence lingers between us, and just when I expect him to pull away, he takes a steadying breath but stays where he is. “Is this what you want?”
Caught off guard, my eyes snap back to his, and it takes more effort to form my response. And the longer I hold his gaze, the more appealing that thought becomes. “I do.”
Interest reflects back at me then, and despite looking ready to pounce, Ivan restrains himself as his fingers flex lightly against me. A hint of doubt lingers in his features. “And you’re sure? I don’t want to take this from you if you’re not absolutely certain this is what you want.”
Something about the way he holds himself back to get my confirmation is far more attractive than it should be, leaving me with no doubt.
