But as Zara knocks at my door and comes in, as she sits opposite me, a gentle smile playing on her soft mouth, I wonder about my own happiness, and what I’ve given up to keep myself safe. And whether I might be ready to open my heart to someone again.
“So,” I begin. “I wanted to talk to you. About your future at MB Holdings.”
* * *
A while later she’s back at her desk again. Our conversation went well, I think. She accepted my offer, anyway. I followed my instincts, once again, and know she’ll be an asset to the company. So why do I feel as though I’ve lost something important?
I pull Katya’s envelope towards me. I may as well get this over with. I break the seal and slide out the piece of scented notepaper.
My darling Myles,
I just want you to know that I miss you when you’re not around. I think we work well together, you and I, no matter how we fight. After all, making up in bed is the best part. And I’m ready for it all, with you. I want to have your child, want to be part of your life. What do you say?
It’s signed with a big swirly ‘K’, a lipstick kiss on the paper beneath it. All I feel is irritation, and a slight twinge of guilt that I have to end it with her. But I’m not ready to give her what she wants, nor do I think she’s the one I want to give it to. I sigh again, and pick up my phone to call Martin, my lawyer. There are documents to prepare, and a parting gift. I’m nothing if not generous. It might seem cold, but it’s kinder than leading her on.
But, as I listen to the phone ringing, I realise something. I’m tired of living like this.
It’s time for things to change.
ChapterSix
Zara
This week has been soooo long already, and it’s still only Wednesday. Another whole week before I see Dean again. I’ve been in sort of a dreamy haze, waiting for whatever is going to happen. I just have this feeling of being on the edge of something wonderful, of my life about to change.
I wonder where we’ll live when we get married. I’ve heard Dubai is lovely, and I don’t really have many ties in London, apart from Eloise. Although it now looks as though I’ll be working at MB Holdings for the foreseeable future.
When Myles called me into his office yesterday afternoon, I never imagined he’d offer me a permanent job. But he did. Sitting across from me, his grey eyes warmer than usual as he told me he liked my recommendations for the women’s clothing line, and would I be interested in a design assistant role once Eloise’s cover ends. I’d jumped at the chance, of course, but at the same time, something about the fact I won’t be working directly for him anymore made me unaccountably sad. It’s such a fantastic opportunity, though. I love the Ocean’s Curl brand, and the thought of working in the Soho office is exciting. I might have to ask Dean what the chances are of him being transferred back to London. Or maybe we can divide our time between the two places, somehow. As though he knows I’m thinking about him, my phone buzzes and a message pops up.
Not long now, darling xx
I sigh, clutching my phone to me like it’s a perfumed love letter from a Regency swain, as though Mr Darcy has swanned in and put his name on my dance card.
“What are you looking all gloopy about?” The question is accompanied by a giggle, and I blink. Georgia is standing by my desk, grinning at me.
“Oh God, sorry!” I flush, putting my phone down. “You need those papers back from Myles, don’t you?”
“Not urgently. Whenever you like. I actually wanted to ask if you want to have a drink tomorrow night? I know it’s a bit short notice but I’m going with some friends to karaoke, a last-minute thing.”
“Karaoke?”
“You only have to sing if you want to. Come onnnn, it’ll be fun. Unless you have other plans?”
“No other plans. All right, yes, I’d love to!” The last bit comes out a bit more enthusiastically than I mean to, but I’m just so excited. Apart from Eloise I don’t have many other people in my life to tell. I told my housemate’s cat, but he didn’t seem that bothered.
“All right. What’s going on?” Georgia crosses her arms, a twinkle in her eye.
“It has been the craziest week. Like, it’s mad.” I tell her about Dean, and we both squeal with excitement, clapping our hands over our mouths. “And then Myles offered me a permanent job, and Big Red came in and gave me a gift.”
“A gift? What’d she give you?”
I open my desk drawer and take out the wallet, still in its box. I haven’t been sure what to do with it, to be honest. It’s just such a weird thing for Katya to have done, and accepting the gift somehow feels as though I’m colluding with her against Myles.
Georgia’s eyes widen. “Holy shit, Zara. That’s gorgeous!”
“I know, right?” I pick up the wallet. “I don’t know why she did it, but it was so nice.”
“Nice? Not something Big Red is known for. Turn around.”
