“Well,” Sabine said, looking away. “That hasn’t been put to rights yet, I suppose. But it will be soon. It’s a delicate thing, to accuse a lord of stealing.”
The demon inside Nell—no, it was her parents who called it a demon, not her. She felt it was more akin to having that creature inside her, one that raged and howled at injustice. The creature shivered and quaked, slavering to be released if circumstances baited it too much. Nell had to force herself to drink the tea, her hands shaking as she brought the cup to her lips.
It was chamomile. It wasn’t any of Beckett’s teas, and she was glad there was no laudanum. They believed her to be herself again, which felt like trust and friendship all rolled into one. This was the ugliest bit of herself.
She drained the cup, accepting the wave of shame that washed over her. She’d hoped to never feel this again. “Thank you.”
“I could read to you, if you like, while you rest,” Sabine offered. “A novel? Your correspondence?”
“A novel might be nice,” Nell admitted, not wanting to delve into any correspondence just yet. She was too frayed for intellectual stimulation. Stimulation of any kind, really. She needed to cocoon herself both literally and figuratively in order to rest and recover.
Jacobs knocked at the door, opening it a crack, as he knew Sabine was already attending her. “Ma’am?”
“Yes?”
He entered, and it was the tugging of his shirt that made it obvious that he was uncertain of himself. “You had a visitor.”
A flash of hope that it was Beckett surged through her at the same time the wave of betrayal came from the other side to extinguish it. Her hands trembled and she buried them in her bedclothes. “Oh?”
“They did not leave a calling card.”
Her muscles tensed all over, and she strained to calm herself. She took a great, steadying breath. Sabine and Jacobs exchanged glances, which Nell knew was for her benefit.
Sabine poured her another cup of chamomile from the small pot. “Have another sip, love.”
Nell took the cup into both hands, still fighting off the tremors that threatened to slosh the tea all over the tray and her nightshirt.
“It is of no consequence, ma’am. Is there anyone you would like me to fetch for you? A physician of some sort?” Jacobs asked.
It seemed needling, but Nell tried to think of it as solicitous. She shook her head. There was nothing a physician could do, and she certainly didn’t want one to find her and shut her into one of those health institutions. A woman could die out there and no one would notice. “No one, thank you, Jacobs.”
He bowed his head and left, but not without him looking to Sabine for guidance first. Not long after, Sabine excused herself to fetch a novel and more tea, but Nell knew there would be talk down in the kitchen between them. Nell slept again.
It was Jane who woke her next. She sat on the edge of the bed, withdrawing her hand from Nell’s forehead, as if she had been checking her temperature. Jane clucked her tongue in sympathy.
“Oh, my dear friend, I’ve been so worried that I had to come check on you myself.”
Nell pushed herself upright. “Why?” she croaked, finding her mouth dry as she blinked herself into awareness. The daylight seeping in looked barely different than it had when she’d fallen asleep last.
“It’s very unlike you to ignore my notes. And then when Jacobs said you were abed when I came to call, I insisted upon seeing you myself. He assures me that you are not contagious inthe least.” Jane eyed her, and Nell knew she had thoughts as to what Nell suffered from, but she knew not what those options could be.
“How long have I slept?” Nell squinted to see the face of the clock on the mantel.
“Quite some time,” Jane said, her mouth thinning to a single line. “I told Jacobs to bring tea up here for the two of us. I hope I wasn’t too presumptuous.”
Nell blinked and pulled herself up in bed. Her body felt heavy and raw, and not entirely her own. Her mind shifted into more awareness. “You’re here at your regular visit?”
“Of course I am!” Jane said, patting her hand. “The last time I missed a visit without giving advance notice, you wrote me a twelve-page letter outlining my wrongs. I won’t ever make that mistake again.”
Nell’s head throbbed. There must have been more than chamomile in her tea. She’d slept through the whole day and into the next. She repositioned herself, finding her back aching from the lack of movement. Even her calves were stiff from the lack of movement. “I should get up.”
“I can help you, if you don’t mind me playing lady’s maid.” Jane got to her feet, her arms outstretched, as if Nell were so fragile that she needed aid to get out of bed.
Nell waved away her friend’s hands and got to her feet. Jane poured water from an ewer into a bowl and picked through the wardrobe for a clean shift and a day dress. Nell rinsed her face and neck, and noticing the clean rag next to it, washed other parts of herself as well. When she was done with her ablutions, Jane returned and helped her into her underthings and dress.
By the time Jacobs rapped on the door with a tea tray, Nell was appropriately attired for her company. Indeed, as Jacobs laid out the tray, he gave her a small nod.
“Pleased to see you looking so well, ma’am,” he murmured.
