‘Almost twelve weeks.’ I’m speaking through chattering teeth now.
She holds my cold hand. ‘It’s going to be okay, lovely. You hang in there. You’ll be at the hospital before you know it.’ I can tell she’s panicking too. Her calm exterior is for my benefit. I try to think happy thoughts, which is hard after the day we’ve had. When I was carrying Morgan and Cora, I’d blossomed and loved every minute of being pregnant. Those thoughts are now sending my eyes watery. If only I could have had that one more time.
Ethan runs out with Morgan and Cora. Cora cries at the top of her voice as Morgan jogs down the drive with her. ‘Mum.’ I’m no use to Cora. I can’t risk taking her and making things worse, even though her arms reach out for my warm, reassuring embrace. Zoe helps me up, and Ethan hurries around to my other side. One steady step at a time, I make my way to the pickup and get inside. Cora won’t stop crying.
Her cheeks are red. She’s been snatched from the comfort of the apartment and now we’re about to take her to Accident and Emergency. I think of Quinn and what happened earlier. She would have been my go-to in an emergency, being an old friend, but not tonight. Quinn had drunk a lot. The whole bottle of wine, I suspect. I also don’t know if I can face her yet. If we were back in Bristol, I’d have friends who would help. I look at Zoe and I know I’ll be asking a lot of her. I don’t even know her but she’s the only person who seems sane and trustworthy around here. ‘Zoe?’ I wince as Ethan leans across and puts my seatbelt on for me because I’m scared to move. I place my hand back on my tummy willing Beanie to not leave me. I don’t want to shift around any more than I have to and I need to get to the hospital.
‘Yes?’ She places my bag on the back seat between Cora and Morgan.
Cora grabs it and throws it into the footwell and then she resists Ethan trying to strap her in. Her back arches and Morgan holds her hands over her ears like it’s all too much. She doesn’t even know about the camera we found in the apartment. I can’t let her stay there alone. My thoughts go back to Quinn. No way am I leaving my baby girl with her tonight. Through my tears, I speak. ‘I know I’m asking a lot of you, Zoe. We don’t even know each other but I don’t trust anyone else around here. Please can you look after them? Morgan is good with Cora; she knows what to do.’
Zoe places a hand over her mouth. I’ve just asked a lot of her but as soon as I’m seen to, I can send Ethan home to be with the girls. She nods. ‘Yes, I’ll take them to mine. You just take care of yourself, lovely. I’ll look after them.’
Ethan takes her number, passes Cora in her chair to Zoe, and Morgan gets out of the car. He then gives Morgan the door keys so she can get Cora’s things. ‘I’ll be as quick as I can.’ He hugs Morgan. Her chin trembles and she wipes a few tears away. I want to make everything stop so I can hug Morgan. She’s scared and needs me but I can’t make this stop. I’m bleeding and I need to get to the hospital now before I lose our baby, if I haven’t already lost our baby.
Ethan gets back into the pickup. ‘I should have stayed down there with you. I… I…’ Worry lines form across his forehead.
I place my hand on his knee. We have each other. We always have each other and I know that Ethan and I can get through this together. He starts reversing out and we drive off leaving our children with Zoe. ‘I love you,’ I say to him, needing his strength.
‘I love you so much. Everything’s going to be fine. We just have to hurry.’
He’s concentrating on the road as we drive through a flurry of snow. ‘Hold on in there, Beanie.’
Forty
Morgan
Zoe helped me gather up everything we needed for Cora and, finally, my little sister has calmed down. We sit in Zoe’s cosy snug as she makes me a hot chocolate in the kitchen. I carry Cora in my arms and bob her up and down. On a normal day, I’d be checking out Zoe’s books, some of them look really old. I might even have relaxed on the cosy couch facing the massive fireplace, but all I can think about is Mum. I have my phone in my pocket and I can’t even call her or Dad. All I can do is wait.
There’s an old-looking carved chess board set up on a sideboard under the window. My chin wobbles again. Mum taught me to play chess. What if something happens to Mum too? What if I never see her again? The velour burgundy curtains make me feel like I’m cocooned. It’s stuffy in here. The fire’s warmth is making my nose hot.
I flinch as Zoe barges through the door. ‘Here you go, my lovely.’ She places the drink on the long wooden coffee table. ‘Would you like me to take her for a minute, so you can sit down and have a drink?’
I nod and pass Cora over to her, then I sit on her marshmallow dark green couch and sink into the cushions. I’m so tired from all that has happened this evening.
Zoe sits down with Cora and, surprisingly, Cora doesn’t moan at all. Her breathing deepens and she lies in Zoe’s arms, hypnotised by the flickering fire, then she closes her eyes. ‘What a little angel she is, aren’t you?’ Zoe strokes Cora’s hair.
I wipe my damp eyes. ‘Will my mum be okay?’ I shouldn’t have asked that because how would Zoe know?
‘Your mum is in the best possible place.’ She presses her lips together.
I glance around the room and see a few photos on the mantelpiece, mostly of Sausage, and Zoe and her husband in their wedding clothes. ‘Where’s Sausage?’
‘I left him in the kitchen. He gets a bit bouncy with young children, so I thought it would be best. He loves kids but I thought that Cora might want to rest.’
‘Do you have children?’
‘No, it’s just me and Sid, and Sausage.’
‘How long have you lived here?’ I should be thinking about Mum but I’m stuck here and I want to try to make the time pass so we can be with Mum and Dad again. This whole place sucks. Mum and Dad have to be thinking about getting away from this hellhole. We should never have come here.
‘Only a few months. I moved in with Sid when we got married.’
‘Do you like it here?’
‘I like the house.’
‘And the people?’ I don’t like the people here. I only like Harry.
