“I forgot how high up we are out here,” she says, her hand tightly gripping mine.
“I think as long as you don’t get too close to the edge, you’ll be fine. Hunter and I have yet to fall off,” I say, and she exhales a long breath as she sits on the rough surface.
“Good advice, I wish I’d thought of it first.” Her sarcasm causes a smile to form on my face, and I try to hold back my laughter.
“I promise not to push you off,” I tease, trying to lighten the air the best I can before the inevitable heaviness of this conversation will take over.
“Whatever.” Kaitlyn rolls her eyes as she crosses her arms over her chest. “Thank you,” she says, a quiet sigh escaping her.
What?“Why are you thanking me?”
She looks up at the stars shining in the sky. “For not shutting the door in my face or telling me to fuck off.”
“You really think I’d do that?”
“No, I don’t.” Kaitlyn’s dark eyes glitter when she turns toward me.
“I’m sorry about you and Hunter.” It’s the truth, too, even if I’m a little relieved Hunter isn’t an obstacle to tiptoe around any longer. It’d always be hanging over our heads like a guillotine, and I’m not sure Kaitlyn would ever relax around me for fear of hurting my twin. My relationship with Hunter isn’t perfect, but maybe now that he’s come clean, we stand a chance of mending the fractures between us.
“How can you apologize to me after everything?” she asks, wiping her nose with her sleeve.
“Because you loved him and he loved you.” It’s as simple as that. I don’t think Kaitlyn would’ve been with him for three years if she didn’t feel that way toward him.
“Still. It doesn’t make what Hunter did to you okay.”
“I didn’t say it was okay, but I understand why he did it. We were stupid teenagers,” I say, having spent long enough regretting things I can’t change. I’m trying to remember this is new information to her, whereas I’ve been living in this reality the entire time. If I can’t forgive Hunter for his mistakes, how can I expect anyone to forgive me for mine, which are a thousand times worse?
It’s a humid summer night, but there’s nowhere else I’d rather be than sitting on this roof with Kaitlyn. I can’t believewe’re finally having this conversation after the countless times I’ve imagined it.
“So everything you said that night about wanting to pretend it didn’t happen . . . that wasn’t true?” she asks, and I’ve never regretted anything more than how I handled that conversation.
I can feel her staring at me as I take a deep breath, glancing away.
“No, it wasn’t true. I’ve spent every day since then regretting saying any of it to you.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me the truth?” she asks, and it hurts to think about how angry I was back then.
“Because I didn’t want you to lose both of us,” I say, and Kaitlyn surprises me by scoffing.
“That’s bullshit, Bailey, but I guess we’ll never know because you and Hunter made choices for me I didn’t have any control over.”
“I didn’t make you kiss my twin after I rejected you,” I point out, and she holds my stare, refusing to back down.
“I know I’m not innocent, but I didn’t have the whole picture. All I knew was I kissed you, and you avoided me like the plague before telling me to pretend it never happened. I’m not trying to make excuses for myself, but being around Hunter made me feel better after you shut me out. B, I tried to talk to you so many times, but then you were gone.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. I’m not trying to blame you,” I say, softening my voice so she knows I’m not trying to point fingers. All I care about is what happens next.
Her hand brushes against mine, and my heart flips at the simple touch. I know what I did, and I don’t know how Kaitlyn will react if she finds out, but for now, I can pretend like I’m not that person.
“Will you tell me everything?” she asks, and I inch myhand closer to hers, crossing my pinky over hers. I hold my breath, waiting to see if she’ll pull away, but Kait doesn’t.
A lump forms in my throat, and all I can hope for is the chance she might accept me.
“I need you to promise you won’t say anything to anyone.” My hands are shaking, and I pull my hand back, but Kaitlyn catches it, threading our fingers together to hold on.
“Okay,” she agrees, and I clear my throat, hoping I can get through this without making myself sick.
“I-I want to start at the beginning,” I say, trying to choose my words carefully. I imagine Luna standing on my shoulder like a guardian angel, chanting at me to spit it out already. I can’t make this truth sound better by using pretty words to disguise it. “I found out my dad was engaged before he and my mom were married. There was this guy, Carter, who reached out to me, claiming to be my half brother.” My stomach clenches, and Kaitlyn inhales a sharp breath. I wish I’d never even responded to his message, let alone met up with him. “I thought he was just some fan of Dad’s fucking with me. I shouldn’t have gone to meet with him, but I did because I’ve always felt like I didn’t fit in with my family. He showed me these articles about his mom, Kiera, and my dad being engaged forever ago, and I found an old interview of Dad’s after they broke up. There were all these questions about why it ended, and my dad was upset, talking in circles with carefully crafted answers. They were saying he left Carter’s mom—who ended up pregnant—to be with my mom.”
