“But she’s going back to Duke and then we’ll be in the same boat with applicants,” Mom says, tilting her head, and I twist my hands together. Bailey chooses to conveniently fall silent. “Kaitlyn?”
“I deferred.” The words come out of my mouth, and it’s freeing to feel the weight lifting from my shoulders.
“Youwhat?” Hunter’s voice rings out from the entryway of the kitchen and my stomach drops.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Bailey
PAST
I thinkif I retreat any further into myself, I might disappear completely.
Every time I think about begging for my spot back on the soccer team, I remember the afternoon before I quit. I sat at my uncle’s house, listening to everyone talk about how, one day, JJ and Hunter would play at the professional level. No one said anything about my future in soccer.
Hunter hasn’t said anything more about it, but I’ve been avoiding everyone.
The guilt feels like it’s been crushing me for what I said to Mirabelle, but I won’t answer any of her calls or texts. She seems to be just fine without me, though.
The pictures of her and Henry are everywhere.
My parents are so preoccupied with worrying about Mira’s relationship, they haven’t even noticed I quit the team. I can’t talk to Hunter about it because he doesn’t understand what it’s like to be the black sheep in this family. He can do no wrong, and I love him, but I don’t know how to explain any of this to him.
It feels selfish to keep Carter to myself, but he understands everything I’m feeling.
As much as I don’t want to admit it, I think I believe Carter. I know what I overheard my parents saying about his mother, and I haven’t forgotten how they believe she might want revenge on them. Everything has lined up.
No one was here when I got home from school today, and a quiet house is something I’ve never known. Having three siblings is a recipe for noise and chaos, but the silence is deafening.
I went out back to the shed to deep clean and wax my surfboard out in the sun. It’s a simple and mindless task scraping off the old wax, but I’ve moved on to using a rag with mineral spirits to remove the residual wax before adding the new layer of base wax.
It’s something I can control from start to finish, helping to soothe the raging thoughts running on a loop inside my brain.
I wipe the sweat dripping down my face with the back of my hand, and I’m starting to get why Hunter wears his hair shorter. I cut all my hair off a couple of days ago, taking away the main defining feature that makes it easy for anyone to tell Hunter and me apart.
Sometimes I swear September is hotter than July.
“Permission to approach?” Kaitlyn’s voice teases, and my heart stutters in my chest. Her presence has a way of calming me more than anything else. I can already feel some of the tension slipping away.
“Permission denied,” I reply, cracking a small smile to let her know I’m kidding, but I don’t think she’d listen to me anyway.
She moves closer, and her dark hair, pulled back in a ponytail, swings with her steps. “Permission overruled.” She smiles, grazing the tips of her fingers over the surface of the board. “Want to waxmy board too?”
My mind instantly fills with images of Kaitlyn in ways I really shouldn’t be picturing, and I shift the way I’m standing to make the tent in my shorts less obvious. I clear my throat, averting my gaze to look anywhere else to distract myself from the pretty girl in front of me.
“I-I didn’t mean that how it sounded,” she says, pulling my attention back to her. I’ve never been any good at looking away from Kait for long.
I know she didn’t mean it that way, but it doesn’t mean I don’t wish she did.
“Shouldn’t you be at cheer practice?” I ask, focusing on cleaning my board again.
“Coach had a doctor’s appointment or something, so she cancelled it. Figured I’d come see what you’re up to now that you’ve quit soccer.”
I freeze, allowing my brain to process while I inhale slowly. “Hunt told you?”
“Yeah, but I’ve also noticed something’s going on with you, and as your best friend, I’m worried.”
It never gets any easier to hear Kaitlyn call me her best friend, and I can feel her staring at me. I don’t want to put her in a position where she has to keep my secrets.
