“Bailey?”
I shift my weight, unable to stay still. The tension in the room is so thick I can’t stand it. It’s suffocating—just like not knowing all the answers to the questions I have.
“I can’t tell you,” he says, his voice quiet, and I think I hate that most of all. The Bailey I knew wasn’t quiet, and he never hesitated to share what he was thinking. “You can turn around now.”
Bailey’s wearing a faded green T-shirt that looks like it’s seen better days and a pair of athletic shorts, but I’m just glad he’s wearing more than a towel.
“Youcantell me. It’s very simple. You open your mouth and say what Hunter did to make you leave, but you’rechoosingnot to.”
He looks like he’s in physical pain, moving to sit on the edge of his bed, but it’s not enough to dissuade me from wanting to know. “Fine. Then I’m choosing not to tell you because I don’t want to hurt you or anyone else more than I already have. Knowing the truth won’t change anything, so there’s no point.”
I want to throw my hands up in the air because that was the most nonspecific answer I think I’ve ever heard.
“Fine, I’ll ask Javi.” It’s an empty threat because I already know Javi doesn’t know anything. Bailey raises his eyebrows.
“Good luck. He doesn’t know either. You really think I’d put more weight on that kid’s shoulders than he alreadycarries?” he asks, amusement flickering in his green eyes. “It doesn’t matter, Kait. Let the past go.”
“Bullshit,” I snap. “Itdoesmatter because whatever the fuck happened was bad enough for you to leave all of us. I want to give you space because I don’t know what you’ve been through, but I can tell you what it did to everyone you left behind.” I don’t normally lose my temper like this, but I am so tired of ignoring how hurt I’ve been.
“Kait—”
“Mirabelle and Henry blamed themselves because they were the ones here with you when you left. Your parents hired all kinds of private investigators to find you, and theynevergave up. JJ wouldn’t go anywhere without his phone in case you happened to call to let him know you were still alive. And Hunter? He waslostbecause his best friend disappeared. Bash and Thalia would just sit there and look at him sometimes, trying to picture you. They did their best, but it nearly broke your family when you disappeared into thin air. So I’d say it does fucking matter.” My breathing grows fast and I blink rapidly, trying to keep my tears at bay. I’ve tried so fucking hard, but the walls I’ve kept my grief hidden behind are crumbling.How can he stand there and tell me it doesn’t?“You left them, but you also leftme. I missed you every fucking day, B, but I had to be okay for Hunter. Sometimes I missed you so much, it felt like I could barely breathe. Don’t tell me to let the past go when it’s the only place I still hadyou.”
It feels like years of anger and hurt are pouring from me, but all it does is cause Bailey’s expression to harden, closing him off from me.
He used to let me in. I was his person, and B was mine.
Maybe Hunter’s right.
It might be time for me to start accepting that Bailey’s just somebody I used to know.
“All of those reasons you just listed are exactly why I can’tsay. It fucking kills me to know that I did that to them—to you. But I won’t cause them any more pain. It’s the last thing I want to do.”
Every breath he takes looks as if it’s causing him pain.Let me in, B. Please.
Bailey’s jaw flexes as he maintains our eye contact, and I should just leave. Nothing good is going to come of this.
Why won’t he let himself be happy?
“It’s too late for that, and I think after all the hurt you’ve caused, they’re owed the truth,” I continue, and this time, Bailey stands up, closing the distance between us. My immediate reaction is to back up and put space between us, but my back hits the wall, trapping me.
His features are determined, and I can feel my bravado fading at the close proximity as Bailey stops in front of me. We’re not touching, but I don’t know where to look. I’m tall at five foot eleven, but I still have to tilt my head back to look him in the eyes. It feels like Bailey is staring into my soul, and I wish I knew what he was looking for. “Ask me again why I left,” he says, his voice raspy as if the words are difficult for him to say.
But I can’t get the question to come out of my mouth.
I’m afraid.
I’m afraid of Bailey being right about what’ll happen if the truth does come out and the aftershocks that will follow.
Bailey scans my face again, and I still haven’t said anything. I wish I could, but all I can think about is how wrong it is to be this close to him—especially when it feels this right.
It’s right enough to make me wonder what would have happened if Bailey hadn’t pushed me awa?—
“That’s what I thought,” he murmurs, stepping back. His demeanor has completely shifted, and I’m not sure I could tell the difference between up and down. “You should gofind Hunter.”
The mention of Hunter—my boyfriend—startles me back to reality.
He’s right. I should go find Hunter. This was a mistake.
