With Henry at training camp for the next couple of weeks, Mirabelle’s staying here, but she’s taking Javi shopping for everything he could want for kindergarten today.
The first thing they’re doing when Henry’s back is asking Javi if he would like to live with them. If he says yes, they’ll meet with Nora again to file the necessary paperwork to transfer custody of Javi from my parents to them while they continue the adoption process.
“How’s the studying going?” Dad asks, walking into the living room.
“I’m regretting every single decision I’ve ever made,” I reply, and he laughs, shaking his head.
“Yeah, that happens sometimes,” he says, taking a seat by me. “I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing?” Dad asks, tapping his fingers on his thigh.
I wish it didn’t make me think of Kiera and how it’s one of the ways she noticed I’m like him.
“I’m okay,” I say, giving him a smile as I close the lid on the laptop. “What’d the contractor say about the siding?”
“He said it was good you removed as much as you did, and knew to put the plastic wrap in before the plywood. He’ll be able to install it once it arrives, but he was impressed when I showed him the receipt for the replacement planks you ordered. How’d you know the right stuff to buy?” he asks, and I feel the warning creep up my spine that we’re getting too close to my secrets.
“I worked in construction for a little bit,” I admit, twisting my hands together. “I just figured it didn’t make sense to leave it up, letting more moisture get in when I could at least help seal it off, and save you guys from having to replace more than necessary.”
Dad’s honey eyes comb over my face, and he nods, smiling. I can only imagine the questions churning in his head, though. “Thank you. You guys did a great job of prepping everything before the storm. It could’ve been a lot worse.”
“It’s not a big deal, Dad. Just glad everything is okay.”
Why does this feel awkward? Or maybe I’m the one making it awkward.
“You know, I was talking with Mom about how jealous I am of how much time you’ll get to spend together with your photography. Now that I’m retired, I wanted to know what you’d think about taking a trip with me? I thought we could hit some of the major surfing spots in the world,” he suggests, and it sounds great, but it’s about to be football season. Eventhough Dad’s retired, Hunter and JJ are still playing, and now that they’re both at Beaumont, I can’t imagine they’re going to want to miss many of their games.
I guess if you factor in Henry’s games too, their entire fall is already booked.
His eyebrows knit together, and I realize I’ve been silent for too long.Shit.
“We don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Dad says, and now I’ve ruined the moment.
Why couldn’t I just say yes?
“No, I want to. I just . . .” I trail off, scratching the back of my neck. “What about football? Won’t you be going to a lot of Beaumont’s games and Henry’s?”
What I can only assume is understanding washes over Dad’s face as he blinks. “I mean, yes, I want to go to their games, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to make time for you. You’re also my son, and I love you.”
“Even though I don’t play football?” I ask, feeling my voice wobble at the vulnerability.
“What?” he asks, blinking as his mouth falls open. He rotates to face me, and I take a deep breath. “Bailey, is that one of the reasons you left? You thought I didn’t love you because you didn’t play football?”
“Dad, we don’t have to talk about it,” I say, trying to give him an out.
He puts his hand out, stopping me. “No, I want to. Answer the question, please.”
I swallow the lump in my throat, knowing it’s about time we talk about this. “It’s not that I didn’t think you loved me, but I felt like I didn’t fit in. I loved soccer, and I was really good at it, but I was invisible. I know that Mira, JJ, and Hunter are easier to love, especially after everything I’ve put you all through. I honestly didn’t think anyone would care if I left. I thought you’d all be happier.”
“Fuck, Bailey,” he swears, dragging a hand over his jaw. His eyes are shining, and I feel guilt start to rise in me for opening the door to this conversation. “I’m sorry. I never meant to make you feel like you didn’t fit in. Sure, it made me proud to see JJ and Hunter play, but I have always been proud of you for following your heart. I love all of you because you’re my kids—not because of what sport you do or don’t play.”
“I’m sorry,” I admit, looking down at my hands.
“There’s nothing for you to apologize for. I’ve failed you as a parent for ever making you think my love was conditional—” Dad’s voice cracks. “B, you and your siblings were always my dream. I loved playing, but the only thing I ever wanted for myself was a family. I might’ve failed at literally everything I was supposed to be good at as a parent, but I don’t want you to ever question again how much I love you.”
Now would be the perfect time to tell him everything, but I can’t.
“I won’t. I love you,” I say, feeling my throat squeeze as I look up at him.
“Thank you for telling me.” Dad takes a deep breath, smiling at me, and I offer him one in return.
