How the tide had turned.
“How about my place?” I was pushing my luck, but I couldn’t help it. “Farrid will be out.”
She walked toward me and laid one hand on my chest. “I will see you there.”
Chapter Eleven
Chelsea
Challenge: Go to a lecture at the university
“I’d caution you to remember this is a marathon, not a sprint.” Dr. Rubin sat across a coffee table from me, a fancy electronic tablet on her lap that she wrote on with a stylus. Her hair was soft and curly like mahogany cotton candy. She wore her standard crisp, knee-length maroon cardigan over a gray cashmere sweater. I wrapped my own sweater closer. Her office was freezing, or maybe I was shivering from the anxiety of being under her lens.
Maybe I shouldn’t have told her I was flying through the list, thanks to a certain Greek. I thought she’d be happier about it. “But you were right. I’ve embraced a whole new side of myself. I’ve become fearless. I’m kind of dating even.”
“Hmm.” She pressed the stylus against her lip. “And how is that going?”
“Delicious,” I said, chuckling at the double meaning. Bas must have been rubbing off on me with his terrible jokes. Dr. Rubin waited for me to give her a real answer. “It’s been good. He entertains me, and I just enjoy spending time with him. He’s funny, sexy, genuinely nice.” Adjectives weren’t cutting it. “He makes it super easy to be myself.”
She jotted something down. “That is quite a change from what you were saying a couple of weeks ago. You were talking like you were only interested in what he could do for you—feed you, help you with your list. It sounds like you’re starting to see him forwho he is?”
“Maybe Bas is that one-in-a-million guy.” I was being flippant, but that never flew in here.
“Do you think that’s a realistic expectation for him?”
“No, of course not.” I bit my lip, gathering my honest thoughts for confession. “I don’t expect anything from him. But he’s made it effortless for me to sort of practice being in a relationship.”
“Practice how?”
“Now that I hear you say it, that still sounds like I’m using him.”
She waited, letting me dig my own grave with my words.
“I’m just saying that he makes me feel like I’ve got a handle on this thing. I’m discovering I can be friends with a guy and mix in some sex, even some serious conversations, and it’s no big deal.”
She wrote on her tablet. “But itisa big deal for you, don’t you think?”
“It is.” I squirmed a little in my seat while she waited for me to elaborate. “I’m just proud of how much I’ve leaned into the new me.”
“And I am, too. It’s terrific that you’ve taken so many huge risks. I know how scary it can be to let someone into your life, to let him really see you. It takes a great deal of trust, which you’re usually reluctant to give.”
I smiled at that. I’d made Dr. Rubin proud.
She pressed her lips together. “But you know you can’t just snap your fingers and change into someone new, right? You’re doing great work, but don’t expect to become some foreign version of yourself overnight. Real transformation takes time and effort.”
That wasn’t what I wanted to hear. “I know. I feel like I’ve locked my old self out, but she’s there, trying to break down the door. Like I’m only pretending to be someone braver.”
“I want to come back to your use of the word practice.”
Shit. I wished I could take it back. I sighed. “Okay.”
“It implies that you don’t think of this as a real relationship.”
“Well, it’s sort of not.”
Her brow arched. “Sort of? Or not?”
I hated when she picked apart my phrasing, even though it was her job. “It’s not. It’s only been a couple of weeks. We’re just hanging out.”
