Bas stepped right up and held out his hand. “Here, I’ll take that. It’s mine.”
The woman slapped it into his hand with a disgusted expression.
I buried my head in Basil’s shoulder to hide my shame, but his chest rumbled with laughter. God, he smelled good, like some kind of holiday candle: vanilla and cinnamon. It distressed me how much I wanted to bottle up his scent and carry it with me.
As we made our way to security, I said, “I can’t believe you took the bullet for me.”
“Literally.” He chuckled. “It’s a pretty excellent souvenir.”
Our laughs faded when we reached the fork in our road. I’d left too many things unsaid. I’d played the game of love and lost. I’d never expected the end to feel like this. I wanted to still be mad. Anger was powerful and righteous. Instead, my heart ached, and my head spun. It felt an awful lot like vertigo, except that wasn’t right. I’d chosen solid ground. I’d chosen not to jump. So why did this feel like falling without a net?
“I’m going to miss you.” My voice cracked. I could have professed my undying love, but love wouldn’t solve anything. I had no more weapons at my disposal.
“You could always stay.” He smiled, but his eyes looked strained. “Will you call me when you get home?”
Home.My stomach cramped. What did that word even mean? “If you’d like.”
“I’d like.” He tucked a strand of hair over my ear, then with an awkward hesitation, he leaned forward and kissed me quickly.“Have a safe flight.”
I waved to him as I passed through security and turned to go to the crowded waiting area. Voices in Greek and English fought for dominance, a perfect metaphor for the last few months. A girl of about ten with a long black braid sat beside me, contentedly nibbling on a ring-shaped piece of bread.
I pictured Bas in his kitchen, rolling out pastries with cinnamon and butter until my mouth watered. I closed my eyes, and I could almost smell the spices. I could almost smell him.
Usually I loved waiting to board a plane. The anticipation was part of the journey. But my future suddenly didn’t excite me. I wasn’t going anywhere new. I was running home. Bas had asked what was so exciting for me back there, and I’d dodged the question.
My whole life, I’d desperately longed to travel extensively, but I suddenly realized why I’d always lacked the courage to move away: how can you leave home if you don’t have a home? Oh, I had a house, and a permanent address, but before I met Bas, I’d been traveling from one shallow hookup to another. I’d never once set down roots. Bas changed that by being a fortress and inviting me in.
My family was a joke. In less than an hour with Basil’s family, who doesn’t even speak English, I’d felt more welcomed than in my own home. My mom wouldn’t miss me. I’d always worry about her, but I couldn’t make her choices, and I shouldn’t be letting her poor choices dictate mine. That door had closed, and it was time to turn the lock.
My job was finally fully mobile. Nobody knew if I was in an office in New York or in my pajamas in bed in Charlottesville or in a crappy apartment in downtown Athens.
But I still had one reason to go home, one person waiting for me. I swiped my phone to video chat and hit call.
Elizabeth answered on the first ring. “Is everything okay?”
My face screwed up with relief to hear her voice again. “No. I’m not.”
“What is it?”
I probably should have taken the time to make small talk, to apologize again for being here instead of with her, but I frowned and said nothing.
“What’s going on, Chelsea? Where are you?”
I pressed my fist to my mouth to hold back a sob, but it leaked out the corners of my eyes. “Tell me you can live without me.”
“I can’t tell you that.”
My voice broke. “You’re the only person in the world I’ve ever truly cared about.”
“No. I’m not. Not anymore.”
“I have to know you don’t need me.” I started to cry like I had a day ago for the exact opposite reason. “Please. Please.”
She said, “I love you, Chelsea. I will always need you, but honey, I don’t need youhere. Whether we’re next-door neighbors or halfway around the world, we’ll always be the best of friends. Always.”
How had she known? I laid my face in my hands and let the tears flow.
I heard her say, “Chelsea, it’s okay if you go on vacation and just never come home.”
