“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Because you do realize that ship has sailed, right? Once he saw how you felt about Noah, even once, he’d never trust you again.”
Now that was a piece of information I hadn’t shared with anyone but my closest friends. Curiosity won out. “How did you know—?”
“That Shane would drop you over something so small? You forget. I’ve been covering these guys for a long time. Shane’s so obviously insecure about his position in the band, always in the shadows, never the one who gets the girl.” He grinned, and he might as well have been holding a flashlight under his chin for all the malevolence in his expression. “Kind of ironic that he had the girl but chased her away out of sheer jealousy. Pretty stupid of him.”
“How did you know he’d seen what I wrote about Noah?”
His breath hitched, but he must not have thought I noticed. “What else would make him blow it with you?”
“Gabe, did you—” He had said he could get anyone’s contact info. And he’d been all over my fan site. “You sent him the link, didn’t you?”
“I thought he should know.” He grabbed the chair from the cube that was perpetually empty. “Layla, it’s time you stop leading me on and give me an answer.”
“Leading you on? What are you even talking about?”
“I’m not going to wait around forever.”
“Well, you’re gonna have to.”
“Come on, Layla. That drummer isn’t going to give you another chance.”
“No, Gabe. Understand this. My response to you never had anything to do with Shane. You’re a pompous, self-involved twat. Since you also more or less confessed to sabotaging my relationship with a guy I really could have seen myself with, I guess what I want to say is: Fuck off.”
He had the audacity to look stunned. Like he’d really thought I was stupid enough to fall in line with his plans. He stood, straightened his shirt, and said, “Bitch,” before walking away.
I waited for him to get out of earshot before I let the tears fall. Gabe may have orchestrated my breakup with Shane, but he’d only precipitated the inevitable. If I didn’t hate Gabe so much, I might have to thank him for saving me the time. Shane would have eventually discovered my history of ranking the boys in the band. He would have seen that he hadn’t rated anywhere in my list of pretend boyfriends. He would have figured out Micah gave way to Noah at some point. Then he’d do the math and come up with the same wrong conclusion.
Gabe was right. Shane and I didn’t stand a chance. He might see that I blew up the website, but he’d also know that I was staying with Zion. Nothing substantive had changed. In his eyes, I’d gotten my way. I’d insinuated myself into the band. One of the last comments I’d read on the blog suggested I no longer needed the board because I had the band. Shane would no doubt say the same.
I stopped to assess where I was at with my life.
I had my job. Ajit had let me code a small piece of one of my solutions, and Byron offered to let the company pay for any training I wanted to take to get more up to speed.
I had my new writing gig. An email from Lars listed a series of bands who wanted to volunteer to be a part of theFly on the Wallseries. TheRock Papergave me a lot of cred. I might get to travel some. I’d be meeting more bands. Things looked like they might take off.
I had friends. Ash would go back to Portland, but we’d stay in touch. Even if I never saw Adam or Eden again, I had Jo and I had Zion now.
I had my family. Mom and Dad wanted to come out to visit soon. I couldn’t wait to show them around. My brother had set a date for his wedding, and I’d get to fly home and bask in hometown comfort.
And I had myself. I’d come to the city split in two. Real me and Internet me were separate and secret from one another. I’d found a way to merge them together, and I came out the other side whole. I no longer felt the need to hide who I was.
The world would go on. If I could go back a month and see myself now, I’d be impressed and excited about my future. If I’d never met Shane, I’d be more or less in exactly this same spot. Once I worked him out of my system, I’d reclaim the excitement I had at the start. I could do that. It would take some time and focus, but I’d get there.
Chapter Thirty-One
Ididn’t see much of Ash for the next several days. Despite her sister-in-law’s dislike of her, Ash offered to stay with the couple to help them transition into parenthood. But on Sunday, when Jo sent her an invitation to come out for an outdoor party, she jumped at the chance. “I need to get away. Just tell me when and where.”
Jo offered to send her driver to pick her up, and I got in on that ride, too. I wanted to be with Ash when she arrived. Of course, she realized the minute we pulled up where we were going. She recognized the front of Adam’s townhouse from the gossip pages.
“I’m impressed,” I confessed. “These places all look the same to me.”
“You don’t remember that video of Jo passing out in the sidewalk right here?” She pointed at a tree, and then I did remember it. In my defense, it had been ages ago. Plus, it was a pretty nondescript tree.
She grabbed my elbow. “Oh, my God. Come the fuckon.”
I had to laugh. “Be cool, okay?”
