I stared at the picture of Micah in concert I’d used for my screen saver. It took me right back to that moment before we’d been together, back to when I thought I’d have been happy to spend one blissful night with him. Why did everything have to get so complicated?
My heart wanted Micah. I was miserable without him. It didn’t take a genius to realize that he’d likely be the great love of my life. If I let him go, I’d probably regret it forever. On the other hand, forever with Micah might turn out to be a month. He’d burned through so many women so fast. What if he tired of me and my pain-in-the-ass never-ending disease? Was it worth the risk? Was “happy for now” enough?
I could honestly say it beat the shit out of “unhappy for now.”
Still, he came with so much baggage. I wasn’t just dating him. I was dating the media, and through them, the entire world. And I was dating his sister, to be honest. But Micah knew how to handle the media. They’d grow bored with us in time. And if I could get Eden to stop hating me, I’d be friends with my boyfriend’s sister. So there was that.
I closed my eyes and resolved to filter out the less valid objections, throwing out fears of the unknown and external pressures I had no control over. And that’s when it hit me: I’d done everything to Micah I’d worried he’d do to me. And in the process, I’d behaved exactly like my dad—for different reasons, to be sure. I’d let everything outside our relationship drive me away from Micah.
And he’d done nothing but show me devotion.
But it was very possible that the double-barrel shotgun stories in the paper two days in a row had opened a fatal wound in my relationship with him. And I couldn’t find him to assess the damage or repair it. I needed to find him and explain everything.
It suddenly occurred to me that I had access to world-class celebrity stalkers. I texted Zion,I can’t find Micah. Call or text me.
Within minutes, he wrote,Josie where are you?
I went to talk to Micah but he’s not home. Do you have any idea where he might be?
Go home, Jo. You can deal with it later.
Can you contact Adrianna and ask if she’s seen him?
My phone rang a minute later. Zion.
“Josie, Adrianna’s not answering my calls. I’m sure she thinks the bus is coming for her tomorrow.”
“Why would she think that?”
“Think about it, Jo. First Micah. Then Eden. She doesn’t know you’re not giving up the information. I think Adrianna’s going into a media blackout just in case.”
“Oh, God.”
“Don’t worry, Jo. Tomorrow there won’t be a story about her, right? Because neither of us have given it to him. And these stories will blow over, too. Go home and wait it out.”
“Zion, the stories will blow over for the rest of the world, but Eden will never forgive me. And I can’t blame her. She can never get back the moment when she and Adam would tell their parents first. And how can I prove to her I wasn’t the one who leaked?” I choked back a sob. “I need to go see her. What if Micah’s with her? What if she convinces him I’m everything she feared?”
“Stay where you are. I can come get you.”
I knew if I told him where to find me, he’d take me home, so I lied. “You’re right. I’ll go home and wait for you.”
There was only one place I could go if I wanted to deal with the fallout. It took me about an hour to take two subways to Brooklyn Heights and walk six blocks to Eden’s apartment. As expected, a cameraman perched outside, biding his time. And it was Derek.
He wouldn’t let me go by without a challenge. “Hey, Jo. What are you doing here?”
I shot him a dirty look as I passed and climbed the steps. The air outside smelled of cigarettes. Inside, voices rose in argument, and I feared I might be too late. My hand trembled as I knocked.
Eden opened the door slightly. “No fucking way.”
“Eden, can I talk to Micah?”
“He doesn’t want to talk to you. Go back to the sewer with the other rats.” She closed the door, and the arguing started again inside, louder, but still muffled. I glanced at Derek, then put my ear to the door. A low male voice rumbled, but I couldn’t make out the words. I stood outside and waited, hoping. I thought about knocking again, but Eden would just answer and send me away.
Defeated, I turned to leave. My legs felt like Jell-O as I descended the steps and walked up the sidewalk.
Derek followed behind, asking me, “Jo, are you trying to get Micah back?”
My stomach rumbled, and I realized how hungry I was, absolutely ravenous. I didn’t have anything in my bag with me. Not a snack box. Not a single bag of gummy bears.
