“Well, he said he’splanningto?—”
“Plans change all the time. I backpacked through Europe after college and was supposed to stay a summer but ended up in Prague for a year.”
“Yes, but you’re—” I gesture at her. “You. I’m me.” Eitan needs novelty. He needs excitement, newness. I’m one disrupted routine away from a panic attack in a supply closet.
“I’m failing to see the difference.”
“Things like that don’t happen to me. They happen in movies, and I’ve had twenty-nine years to establish that my life is not like a movie.”
“Pleasetell me you didn’t buy Pen’s bullshit.”
“She had a point.”
“She had an agenda! If you believe you deserve good things, then you may start questioning exactly why you’re doing all of this crap for my sister.”
It sounds eerily similar to Eitan’s concern.I don’t like the way she treats you.Penelope was right about one thing. Other peopledon’tunderstand. It’s hard to make sense of the situation without knowing about our agreement. Our mutually beneficial agreement.
Calliope’s harsh words hang in the air. I should defend myself, or defend Penelope, but I just don’t have the energy to. I had hoped that sharing a tent with Calliope would be an escape from all of this.
“I’m gonna see if they need any help with, um, dinner.”
“Ruby,” Calliope says, her voice forlorn. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
I shake my head vigorously. “You didn’t upset me, I’m fine.”
Fine. That’s exactly how I am. Caught between good and bad. Lukewarm. Suspended.
On the other side of the campground, Eitan—boyscout he no doubt was—helps Skip hoist a supersized stockpot onto the fire. Josh is laughing, looking relaxed for once, beer in his hand. Deep and Emma sit with them, talking and laughing.
He doesn’t normally go for girls like you.Pen’s voice cuts through me. I know this is for the best. I was the one who pulled away first, right? But somewhere deep beneath my sense of self-preservation, a wild, romantic shard of myself is disappointed.
chapter
twenty-three
I needto enjoy this weekend. This is the Be Yourself (Again) List at its finest. A weekend of shared memories, inside jokes, and bonds forged by campfire. I try to join in Deep and Emma’s conversation. They’re debating the all-time best brunch spot in the city. It’s less intimidating jumping in here and there with my two cents than it was a few months ago. Probably because of the practice I’ve had making conversation with strangers. It’s unfortunate that—even though he thinks he misrepresented himself—Eitan’s coaching remains genuinely helpful.
As the tents get set up, everyone gravitates toward the fire pit. Skip bounds around like a Bernese Mountain Dog, helping set up tents, making bad jokes (“How do trees access the internet? Theylogin!”), and hyping up campfire spaghetti. By the time he kneels down to start the fire, I’m expecting a Michelin-star-worthy pasta to come out of this charred dirt pit in the Michigan wilderness.
Calliope is setting sticks on fire and using the charred ends to scribble on the wooden benches. She’s drawn, so far, a caricature of what appears to be Penelope, with devil horns. And a tail.
“Subtle,” I say, hoping to return us to equilibrium.
“I didn’t even want to come on this stupid trip,” she mutters. “So the least she can do is let me make my art. Maybe I’ll add this to my flash sheet.” Our eyes meet, and the tension of our last conversation melts.
Penelope and Clara take turns filming each other on the other side of the pit.
“I’m also not quite sure why I’m on this trip,” I say.
“Glad to see you two arrived with an open mind!” Skip straight upskipsin front of us and plants his hands on his hips.
I rub my temples. “No offense, Skip, but I don’t really believe in the ‘kumbaya in the woods’ thing.”
Skip chuckles. “Kumbaya in the woods?”
“You know.” I gesticulate. “Like those cult weekends people used to go to in high school where you go to the woods for two days, and it inspires everyone to share their feelings and bond and cure whatever mental ailments they’re suffering from.”
Calliope snaps her fingers. “Yes, I remember those too. Creepy.”
