I step toward him, my muddy hem trailing, and he meets me in the middle. His arms wrap around my ribs in the tightest hug I’ve ever had. Like I’m a life raft on the open ocean. I breathe into his neck, his scent flooding me.
“I was about to go find you,” I whisper.
“Beat you,” Eitan says, a smile in his voice. “Alma told me where you were.”
“What about the wedding?”
Eitan exhales. “The wedding was cancelled.”
My stomach plummets. Did my rampage actually break up two people who seemed to make each other happy, against all odds?
Eitan reads my silence. “They’re still together. They just…have some stuff to work through before they get married.”
I give him a dark look and consider ratting out Josh’s smoking habit.
“Josh is loyal to a fault, at times. But he will figure it out. I have to trust that he will do what’s right for him.”
I sigh and decide to leave other people’s problems where they belong: far away from me.
Eitan’s hand reaches up to cup the back of my head. “I was so sorry to hear about Louise.”
“Me too.”
We sway for a moment, Eitan’s arms locked snugly around me.
“I should have given you time,” he says, urgent.
I shake my head. “No, you were right. I was just scared.” My eyelids flutter. “I’m scared all the time, actually.”
He waits, giving my fear room to breathe.
“I’m scared of dying,” I whisper.Death is a part of everyone’s journey.Louise’s words return to me, soaked in aurora green. It’s not actually dying that I fear. “But I’m more afraid of losing myself.” My face heats and the tears carve hot, insistent tracks down my cheeks. “Again.”
His thumb catches one of my tears. “You never lost yourself. You just had to change. Without warning and against your will.”
Eitan voicing the weight I have been carrying around—as if it really is that simple—is too much for me. My tears turn into full on sobs. I’m crying for Louise, for myself, for everyone who didn’t make it, and everyone who did.
“I’m not leaving your side again,” Eitan says as he wraps me in another hug. “It hurts too much not being with you.”
I stutter and pull back, my fear still tearing through me. “Are you sure? It’s a lot to deal with.” I swallow. “And I wouldn’t blame you if it was too much?—”
Eitan nudges my chin toward him, so that I have to look into his eyes. “I love you, Ruby. I’m in for whatever is next.”
My breath catches. He loves me?Eitan loves me.It’s a bright light, in all directions.
“I can’t watch someone I love fall out of love with me again,” I whisper.
“You love me too?” Eitan looks dangerously hopeful.
I nod. Of course I love him. “But there’s no guarantees,” I tell him. He needs to know what he’s signing on to.
Eitan grabs my shoulders and ducks his head to meet my eyes. “Whatever this is, you’re going to get through it.We’regoing to get through it.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do, because I believe in you.” Eitan’s tears mirror mine, two halves of one whole. “I believe in your fire, in your spirit.” He swallows, his own heavy weight visible. “I believe in the power of how much I love you.”
It’s cheesy and so mind-bendingly earnest. The only thought I have is,I believe in the power of how much I love you, too.
