“I’ve known him for years, okay? Maybe doing the right thing is easy for others, but he’s always messing up and regretting it later. I don’t want to be that person who makes excuses for people’s shitty behavior, but we all make bad decisions.”
I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Talking about Dre hurts too much right now, like my heart’s been stung by a wasp.
Terrell looks at me as if I’m unstable. Then he looks away. “Has he texted you since?”
That question feels more rhetorical than anything. I haven’t heard wind chimes for days.
“Yes,” I lie.
“That’s good, then.”
I nod.
“Think you’re gonna get back together?” he asks, his face a little pained.
I’ve been asking myself the same question. Dre seemed pretty serious about not wanting to date me anymore. I swallow the lump that knots in my throat.
“No, I don’t think so. Andre’s like family—I want to be his friend more than anything.”
Andre and I have been friends since he was twelve and I was eleven. I’ve known him for almost seven years, though we only started dating last year. Before any of this, Andre was a friend, a really good one. On days like this, I wish we’d just stayed friends, so that I could still speak to him and things weren’t all broken and weird.
The silence grows a little awkward as we walk on. Terrell’s probably thinking I’m pathetic.
“You know,” he starts, “you’re, like,reallyfast.”
“What?”
He smiles, dimples appearing. “Yesterday, when you ran away from me. You should consider being an Olympic runner if you ever change your mind about music—”
I push him and he laughs.
“Shut up,” I say, my face growing hotter.
“I’m going to start calling you Quick,” Terrell says, looking very impressed with himself.
“Well, I’m gonna start calling you Shit Talker,” I reply.
“I’m cool with that.”
We get to my place and Terrell walks me to my door. I feel bad for not inviting him in. I never invite anyone in.
I’m a bit embarrassed about the way my house looks inside, and scared he’ll judge me, even though I know he probably won’t.
“Thanks for walking me home, and sorry again for yesterday.” I say the last part quietly.
“I’m irresistible, so I get it,” Terrell says.
“Sure,” I say.
There’s a pause and then he hugs me.
I don’t think I’ve been hugged this much by a friend… ever. I have to admit, I like Terrell’s goodbye hugs. They always feel nice and warm.
Later, when I’m in my room, as my brothers sleep and the world is quiet, I think about how nice it is to have someone who doesn’t treat me like a burden.
I’d forgotten what that felt like.
Friday
