We’ve been here before.
“I’ll get you some ice for that…,” she mumbles.
I shake my head, knowing we don’t have any frozen food bags in the freezer this week.
“I’m fine,” I tell her, my voice breaking, but not because of the injuries. My heart really hurts.
She nods, looking away from me and down at the money now.
“Vonnie, where did you get this kind of money?”
“Don’t ask, Ma, please,” I say.
We always have this conversation when money gets really tight. She always wants to know where I get it from. Always.
And as I said, sometimes you have to do things that don’t exactly align with your morals, and I did those things so that we can have a little cash when we need it. I try not to think about how I’m gonna get the money next time now that me and Dre—
I stop myself, pushing him down a hole in my mind where I keep all the things I don’t want to talk about.
I go to school, I put on the costume the rich kids wear, and I pretend for a few hours. I could act all high and mighty. I could think I’m the shit, lie to myself, but it doesn’t change the fact that this is my reality.
Ma works three jobs for us. She does everything for us. And I do everything for her.
“Thank you, Vonnie,” she says. “I love you more than words can tell you, you know that?”
I nod.
I know that.
14
CHIAMAKA
Monday
I wake up late.
Dad kept me up all night with stories from his trip to Italy to see Grandma. Not that I minded much. I couldn’t sleep anyway, with the guilt and worry weighing on me. I think it was three in the morning by the time I’d finally made it into bed.
When my brain registers the time, I’m already late, having to rush my morning routine as a result.
I pick up my straightener and hold it up to my curls, anxiously watching the time pass. The lights suddenly switch off, and my straightener beeps, indicating it’s not heating up anymore.
“Mom!” I shout.
She rushes into my room.
“What is it?”
“The electricity!”
“The builders have started the work downstairs. It’ll come back on later.”
“But I can’t go to school like this.”
“Why not?”
“My hair.”
