It’s a video.
[1 new message from unknown]
Just in. Porn is easy to come by these days. You either search for it online or it falls right in your lap when you least expect it to.—Aces
I don’t click on the video. The thumbnail is enough to know this isn’t about me. But I can hear the sounds of it playing from Jamie’s phone.
“Can you turn that off?” I tell him, before pocketing my phone and moving to take my usual seat at the front of calc class.
I listen to the sounds of people laughing, and feel agitated. Aces is clearly not holding back.
I’m a careful person, but I’m not perfect. There are things I’ve done, things that could ruin me.Blond hair. So much blood.And things I can’t remember. A disjointed memory of the night I first kissed Jamie sears my mind…
What else do they have on me?
9
DEVON
Wednesday
Since lunch, I’ve been getting stares.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that the latest Aces blast was about me, but the question is,whatabout me? And why do I receive blasts about others only, and not myself?
It’s probably this “Aces” person’s twisted way of adding to the sick feeling in my stomach as much as they can.
“Hey, Richards!” some guy shouts as I walk down the hallway. I stop to look at him. He smirks before wrapping his arms around himself, kissing the air and making smooching noises.
It’s not even been a full week and already senior year is sucking on a level I never imagined it could.
Exiting the double doors of the school brings me a sense of peace. Because at least now, the school day is over and I can go home.
A hand grabs my arm and jerks me into an alley by the main school building. I’m thrown against the brick wall and I hiss, my back throbbing in several places as I collide with the rough surface.
“Do you want to get killed?!” Jack shouts.
“No—”
“Then why the fuck is your fucking sex tape floating around the fucking school?”
My what?
Oh my god.
I might throw up. I can’t breathe… My legs are shaking… My head is spinning.
“I need to find Scotty,” I manage.I need to kill Scotty. A part of me wants to ask to see the video, see how bad it is, but I don’t know if I can handle that.
Jack says nothing. His face is scrunched up, and he’s breathing hard. I don’t know what it is about his expression, but it makes me feel like I should be ashamed of myself.
Like I should feel dirty.
Before he knew I was gay, Jack didn’t look at me like that. He was the first person I told, back when we were still in middle school. Before I came out, life was us having each other’s back, sleepovers, and video games, while Ma was away at work, when we had no one but each other. Now it’s this: Jack hating me for something I can’t change. The both of us wishing things could go back to the way they were before I said those words.
We stare at each other. I have to stop myself from apologizing—because what would I even be sorry for? Existing too loud?
I break eye contact, pushing off the wall, my legs unsteady as I run back into the school, a place I’m starting to hate more than ever. Girls giggle when they see me, and I get it now. I get the mocking from earlier. It’s all making sense.
