I turn my head slow and heavy. It feels like I’m moving through deep water but I find her. Sutton. She’s on her feet next to my brothers, her hands covering her mouth. Her eyes are wide—too wide—like she’s already bracing for something worse.
I’m okay!
Sutton I’m okay!
I can’t get the words to come out of my mouth, but when I see her wipe her cheek with the palm of her hand something inside me snaps.
It’s not fear.
It’s not pain.
It’s sheer will.
I can’t be the thing that breaks for her.
I can’t be the person that breaks her.
I can’t be the reason she shatters.
“Ssss…” I try to say her name, but it all comes out a fucking mumbled mess.
“It’s okay, Shep. You took a hit,” Seb tells me. “You’re going to be fine. Just lie still and don’t move.”
Fuck that.
I need her to know I’m okay.
“Ssssutt-Ssutton.”
I force my hand to move. It feels like I’m dragging it through concrete, but I manage it just enough to lift it off the turf. I give her the only hand gesture I can think of at the moment…followed by the easiest one I can manage.
I love you.
I’m okay.
It’s a lie. Not the I-love-you, but the I’m-okay because I’m anything but okay. I can’t fucking breathe, my ribs feel like they’ve been crushed, and my head’s still ringing.
But I can’t let her see that.
Her shoulders hitch, like she’s trying to inhale for both of us. The trainers are talking to me, asking questions, their hands pressing against my chest and my shoulder.
“Stay down, okay? Just stay down.”
No.
No, I can’t.
Because she’s still looking at me like that.
Like I might not get back up.
“I’m—” My voice comes out rough and useless. I cough, sucking in a shallow, painful breath that barely counts.
“Easy,” one of the trainers says. “Don’t push it.”
I shake my head or at least I try to. “She’s watching,” I rasp.
They don’t understand. Of course they don’t.
