Yet it isn’t as simple as I thought, because I respond to that idea the same way I do togood girl: craving more of it.
Fuck, I’d lick him again if he told me to, anywhere he wanted, if only he’d keep me here, with him.
Not healthy, Raven.
I know that, yet it doesn’t change how I feel.
Declan stirs against me, and sighs heavily.
“What is it?” I ask. What have I done, or not done?
“Regretfully, I can’t stay here all day. Places to be, Hellcat.”
I turn in his arms, looking at the clock on the nightstand. It’s 9:17, not early, not late for a Saturday. “That’s fine,” I say, trying to keep it light, when all I really feel is loss. “I need to get home too.”
“You could stay here,” he counters. “Spend the day in bed, if you want.”
Lying on sheets that smell of him, of us. It’s almost tempting, but I need time by myself. To think, if nothing else.
“No, I’ll… go home.”
“As you wish.”
He pushes himself up, climbing out, and walks naked through his apartment. I watch his ass until it’sout of sight, and a moment later, his shower starts up.
I roll onto my back and stare at his ceiling.
There’s a nagging feeling I can’t place, or put my finger on. I feel… untethered. Out of sorts.
It’s probably what we’ve just done. What he made me do.
The taste of his cum still lingers in my mouth.
But as I lie there, trying to analyze myself, I don’t think that’s it. Ilikethe taste of him. Iwantthe scent of him on my skin.
No, it’s not that.
And then it hits me.
I’ve been waiting for him to leave, knowing he would. Just like he did a week ago, at five thirty. And now he’s off again, somewhere so important.
It makes me realize how little I know of him.
Kurt’s voice intrudes in my head.
“Do you trust him? On a job, would you know he had your back?”
And for everything we’ve done, my answer is the same now as it was then:“I don’t know. I just don’t know.”
He has secrets, that much is clear.
Everyone’s allowed secrets, Raven.
Secrets, yes. But lies? No one goes for a walk and takes their bike. That’s not a fucking walk. He didn’t say he went for aride. I’d have accepted it if he had. No, it was awalk, somewhere that he couldn’t go without getting there first.
At five thirty in the morning.
Gone for at least two hours.
