He’s not wrong; he is too perceptive.
“Have you figured out what you’re going to do?” he asks.
“About what?” I can hear the defensiveness in my own tone. It’s partly because of the double meaning in this whole damn conversation, and partly my fear that I’m not the only one that knows it’s there. Is Renner just making nice, or does he suspect? If so, how much?
“About where you belong,” he says, with an amused smile.
I look past him to where Raven’s laughing at a comment Cammy’s just made, and the truth is, I haveabsolutely no idea what the fuck I’m going to do, except that whatever it is, it centers around her.
“Make sure Raven’s safe,” I say.
Renner grips my shoulder in a friendly gesture, and leans in ever so slightly. “Good enough for me,” he says. “Knew you were smart.”
Friday, I bury myself in my thoughts, following Raven’s bike on the road up to San Fran.
We have comms, but I barely say anything to her.
Cole and Dario are on their bikes, but they’ve taken the I-5 with Cammy driving the others in the van. We’re alone again, on the 101, but I can’t concentrate on the view. I’m going through the motions.
Whatever happens, I need to come out of this with Raven. I’ve made that decision.
I can’t do that if I burn the crew and she finds out.
It fails if I keep my job, and she finds out.
If I do either, it’s only a matter of time until she finds out.
But neither can I resign and have no job, and nor can I take a million in uncut diamonds and expect the FBI to look the other way when I don’t want to play anymore.
I go around and around, but there’s just no fucking solution.
Am I really prepared to burn my whole life for a girl I’ve known only three weeks?
It’s rash, it’s impulsive, it’ssonot me… but the answer’s yes. A resounding yes.
You’re a goddamn idiot, Declan.
Worse than that, if we’re to build a life together, I’m going to have to tell her. I know I am.
Will she trust me if I do?
I could end up screwing my whole damn career, then she leaves me anyway.
Fuck!
Can I lie to her? Forever?
Maybe I have to. Maybe that’s the only choice.
It only solves one part of the problem. I still have to get out of this clean, and I can’t see how.
Resign now? Before the job in two days?
That’s a choice I could make, but Mercer might move in on them anyway. She knows about Meridian Pacific; she could have a team waiting.
No, that’s not a route. And even if it was, it still leaves me with no job for the price of a clear conscience.
Fuck my conscience. It’s only Raven that matters.
