“She knows.” I meet Shelly’s eyes and pick up on what she’s trying to say even before she says it. “Just because we aren’t married any more doesn’t make you any less her father.
“I know that,” I snap a little more harshly than I intend. She doesn’t even flinch.
“So then quit sulking,” she says in her sassy little manner that should piss me off but really doesn’t. Not at all. I adore her. Maybe I’m not in love with her anymore, but I’ll always love her.
“It hurts not being able to tuck her in on Christmas Eve and see her first thing Christmas morning,” I admit.
She nods knowingly, looking back over at Amber unwrapping all her gifts with flighty little giggles. “I know. And next year, I’ll feel the same way. It’s hard, but we both know it’s for the best.”
“Is it?” I ask her, my throat sore from all the emotions bubbling up. I really hate that feeling. Sometimes, I just want to forget how shitty it feels and push them all down, but maybe I’ve been doing that for far too long and that’s why it hurts so much.
“Don’t do this,” she says, losing her patience. “I’m happy and married.”
“Oh, I know,” I say bitterly.
“Come here,” she says, taking my arm and leading me to a hallway. Her eyes tell me just how mad she is at me right now,and it’s pretty damn mad. “We didn’t work. You can’t stand here and tell me that you’re still in love with me.”
“Says who?” I say stubbornly. I do still love her. Maybe not in that way, but I do. And I could definitely still be married to her and be happy with our daughter.
She shakes her head at me like she pities me. “Randy is in love with me. He loves me fiercely. He’s not with me because he wants to keep a family together...”
“That’s not why we were together,” I snap at her.
“Not at first, but the last two years of our marriage?” She folds her arms defiantly, keeping her voice down. “You forget how bad that was.”
No. I really don’t. “At least we were trying for Amber.”
She snorts angerly at that. “No. We weren’t trying. You were avoiding me. I was miserable. You were miserable.” She points toward the living room. “You think she didn’t feel that?”
I feel a little sick, thinking about that time. I thought I was trying, but apparently, I was withdrawing. “I’m sorry,” I croak.
“Don’t be.” She places a reassuring hand on my chest, and I close my eyes, relishing in the comforting, familiar gesture. “Gabe, I will always love you, but we didn’t work. We were always better friends than lovers.”
We did fight a lot. Maybe we were never really happy.
“I’m happy to be your friend.”
She smiles. “Good. Because you’re stuck with me forever.”
I hear Randy’s obnoxious laughter—which Shelly seems to find endearing—and sure enough, when I look at her, she’s smiling at the sound. “Do I have to be stuck with him too?”
She shoves my chest and rolls her eyes. “Yes. You do. He’s a good man.”
I know he is. And he’s a good stepfather to my daughter, which frankly is the only thing that really matters to me.
“Come on. I don’t want to miss any more of what those goobers got our daughter.”
I grin and follow her back to the tree, where our daughter is destroying the wrapping paper, caught in a tornado of presents with all the goofy-ass big men I work with playing with her toys like children.
It’s honestly the best part of my year so far.
8
ASHER
I’m not a fan of kids. Like, at all. They’re loud and sticky. Just not my thing. But Amber sure is cute. She’s having the time of her life, opening up presents and making the guys dress up in jewelry and tiaras.
I got to try on her tool belt, though it didn’t come close to fitting around my waist, and she made me abort the mission as soon as she realized that so I wouldn’t break it.
