“Is that why you’re trying to force this thing with Rebecca?”
He glances out the window toward the backyard, and I’m sure he’s searching out Rebecca, but I leave my gaze on him until he answers. His eyes meet mine, and they’re kind of sad. “She’s nice. Normal. Doesn’t threaten to burn down my house.”
“Look, you’ve had some odd relationships, but boring isn’t you either.”
“I think I could use some boring.”
I want to argue with him, but maybe he’s right. At this point, he really could use some normalcy.
“I don’t know, man.”
“Good thing for you is you don’t have to know. It’s my life.”
“I think the right person is out there for you.” I look out at the backyard at all our friends, who are huddled around the firepit, and then back at him. “Or you could try being single for a bit. We have you covered, if you’re lonely. We’re your people.”
He shoves me, but it’s playful, and his laugh is hearty. “I know. I’ve been thinking about that too. Maybe monogamy or being in a relationship isn’t actually for me. Single may be.”
I shrug. “Single is fun.”
“Come on. Let’s join the party.”
And with that, I drop it.
At least for now.
7
GABE
“Daddy! I want more hot cocoa!” I smile down at my daughter, bundled up in her puffy coat with a scarf around her neck and her gloves on her little hands. Her cheeks are pink and rosy, but she’s not bothered by the cold weather.
“You’ve had two cups already,” I tell her, trying to resist her big blue eyes. I swear, I’ve been wrapped around this kid’s finger since the day she was born and looked up at me with those big eyes.
“It’s Christmas Eve,” she pouts.
“Yeah, Daddy. It’s Christmas Eve.” Oakley, my boss, who’s currently sporting a full Santa costume minus the beard decides to help my daughter, bending down next to her and looking up at me too.
“Oh no. Don’t you dare.” I look over and see my ex-wife, Shelly, with one hand on her hip as she stands there, all bundled up next to her new husband, Randy. “I can see it in your eyes, Gabriel Martin Daniels.”
I curse just as Oakley hops up and cackles. “Martin is your middle name?”
“Thanks for that, Shell,” I say to my wife—I mean ex-wife. Shit, that’s still hard to grasp some days. Especially holidays. Realizing Amber is going home with them tonight and not me—yeah, that hits pretty hard. I never thought when Shelly and I decided to try to make a baby that we’d be here.
Living in different homes. And while it’s all perfectly pleasant and cordial, it hurts like hell sometimes.
“One more,” I say to my daughter, who’s giddy with excitement as she gives Oakley a high five, and he takes her to the hot cocoa bar to grab another hot chocolate.
Shelly’s scolding me with her eyes, but whatever. She’s not that mad, and it’s not like she doesn’t spoil our daughter here and there. “Pretty sure you wouldn’t have done that if you had to deal with the sugar high later tonight.”
Way to hit me right in the heart, Shell. I rub at the spot in my chest that aches like a motherfucker, trying to place a playful smile on my face. “Hey, I’ll take her.”
Her expression softens then because Shelly is really good at reading me. Always has been. We were high-school sweethearts. Best friends before that. Even though our marriage didn’t work out for reasons I’m still not really sure of—I’d still be married to her today if it were up to me—she’s still my best friend. “We’ll bring her over first thing tomorrow morning.”
After she wakes up and runs to their living room and sees her presents from Santa there. Opening them with excitement—something I’ll miss out on. And yes, Santa will come to my house too, but it won’t be her first stop.
I need to stop wallowing in this, but for some reason, I can’t shake it. Since she could walk, I’ve looked forward to Christmas morning with her. Toddling over to the tree after running out of her bedroom to discover all the presents we’d worked so hard all year to put there.
There’s nothing like that, and now I’m going to miss it, and Randy will be there. Not me.
