That was the sentence that got past the last guarded thing in me. Something gave way in my chest, in the place where I had been holding the whole poisoned day.
I put the note on his desk.
Then I took off my coat.
Caspian watched it slide from my shoulders.
His hand opened once at his side, then closed again.
“You don’t have to do this because of Quill,” he said.
“I know.”
“Or because of tomorrow.”
“I know that too.”
His eyes stayed on mine.
“Then tell me why.”
“You,” I said.
The word changed his breathing.
“You,” I said. “Because I want you. Because I feel safe here. Because I need one thing today to belong to me.”
I unfastened the top button of my shirt.
Caspian watched my hands, not my wrist.
“If this starts the bond,” I said.
“We stop.”
“Even if I don’t want to stop?”
“Youdecide, Astra.”
“And if it hurts because of the others?”
He swallowed and his Adam’s apple bobbed.
“Then we stop.”
“You hate thinking about that.”
“I hate thinking about them, but I hate thinking about you in pain even more.”
“Good.”
The word got out before I could stop it.
“You should not reward me for jealousy.”
“I’m rewarding you for letting me choose.”
He crossed the room.
