“I know,” I said.
“I can keep the Council from making the bond worse than it has to be.”
“That still isn’t the same as making it my choice.”
“No.”
He accepted that too quickly, and it hurt more than an argument would have.
“I wouldn’t force you,” he said.
“The Council will.”
“Yes.”
“And if I say yes to you because they have made every other answer dangerous?”
His hands stayed flat on the table.
“Then I will spend the rest of my life trying to make myself worth it.”
Cosima’s fingers curled.
I could see her nails biting into her palms.
I looked back at Caspian.
For the first time, I believed he understood exactly what he was offering. That made it harder, not easier.
“I can’t say yes,” I said.
For a moment, no one answered.
My Mark eased enough that I could breathe without forcing it.
“I know,” he said.
“Don’t say that like it doesn’t cost you.”
“It costs me.”
“Then stop making it sound easy.”
That reached him. I saw it before he put himself back together.
“It’s anything but easy,” he said.
“At the formal,” he continued, “if you refuse me, I will not let them call that a refusal of my protection.”
The Mark on my wrist gave one careful pulse.
“You would protect me after I refused you?”
“If you let me.”
“And if I don’t?”
His eyes met mine.
