He drops his head but doesn’t answer me. It breaks my heart but I need to be strong. Though I haven’t been so far. I scrub my hand down my face.
“We’re going to get dressed, and then we’re going down to my office. I’m going to sign that settlement and then you need to leave immediately.”
“No!” His head snaps up, his eyes wide with horror.
“Emmett—” I’m interrupted by a loud knock on the door, and I make a sign to Emmett for him to keep quiet. I quickly reach for my tunic and pull it over my head, and quickly tie the rope round my waist before cracking open the door. I breathe a small sigh of relief that it’s Abel and no one else.
“Brother Kennard is wanting your presence. He says there’s been an altercation amongst a couple of the brothers.”
We’re a peaceful order, so disagreements are rare, but tensions are high at the moment, so it doesn’t totally surprise me.
“And he can’t deal with it by himself?”
“He says not,” Abel replies solemnly.
“Alright, tell him I’ll be there shortly,” I tell Abel, and he nods. I watch until he’s disappeared from view before shutting the door and turning back into the room.
Emmett is still in my bed, his face still cast downwards.
“Get dressed and get your papers. I’ll be back as soon as I can,” I say, putting my scapular round my shoulders and settling my cowl over the top before slipping on my sandals. I reach the door and pause to glance back at Emmett. He looks so small and forlorn in my bed, and when he raises his eyes to mine they’re brimming with tears. I fight the urge to return and comfort him, remembering that strength is what I need now to save us all. I pull the door shut behind me, and with a weary heart I make my way to the chapter house where Brother Kennard will have gathered all those involved. I reach the heavy door and hesitate, to take a deep breath and gather myself first. Then I push open the door and look sternly at those seated in the front row of seats. I sit in the heavy wooden chair, ready to hear the cases and to dispense justice and discipline, and I try not to think about it being the same place I’d fucked Emmett only a few hours ago.
CHAPTER 12
EMMETT
Iwatch the door close with a sinking heart. He can’t send me away now, not when I know that’s not what he really wants. I can sense that he really does want me near him, otherwise he would have kicked me out of his bed this morning. Instead I awoke to find him caressing me. I understand his concerns, but no one will find out. We can be discreet.
An idea forms in my mind. I can write to my uncle and explain I need more time. That will give me more chances to be with Theobald. I don’t know about the future, but I don’t want to think of that right now. All I want is to explore how he makes me feel, and I know I can be good for him. With a half-formed plan, I rise and pull on the undershirt and drawers I’d left on the floor after I entered Theobald’s room last night. Checking that the passageway is clear, I dart across to my own room and finish dressing.
I pull out my paper and quill and pen a letter to my uncle. I tell him that the negotiations are going well, but petition him formore time. I don’t want him to send anyone else to help, so I use the excuse that they need to make arrangements for rehousing people in the infirmary, which is a truth. My uncle isn’t known for his compassion, but I think he has enough patience to allow this, as long as it doesn’t take more than a week or two. I’ll grasp at anything to gain extra time with Theobald.
With that accomplished, and ready to present it to Theobald when he returns, I go in search of some breakfast. I find cold meats, bread, and milk laid out in the dining room and take my fill. Theobald still hasn’t returned by the time I’ve finished, and I’m too restless to wait for him inside, so I take a walk. I know not to enter the cloister but surely I can walk in the gardens.
There are several monks about, and a few of them nod to me as I pass, but most are working intently and with focus. All of them are silent, and the serenity of the place seeps into me. I can see the appeal of this life, just tending to what you need. It’s a far cry from the bustle of court life, the political intrigue, or the alternative, which is to live with a family who doesn’t want me. I’ve seen more true friendship shown between the few monks I’ve met personally than I’ve found in the year I’ve spent at court, where acquaintances are used to further your own career and to bring down those who stand in your way. I’ve always hated it.
I thought taking on this task for my uncle might give me some advantage, a chance to prove myself capable of responsibility. But for what? Only to be stabbed in the back at the next level? I have no appetite to return to that life. I’d rather stay here, wandering amongst the hollyhocks and cornflowers and being with Theobald. I’m not sure I could stomach the endless prayers, and of course I couldn’t agree to chastity. There has to be another way.
Even though every step I take reminds me of how tender my arse is, I can also remember how good it felt to be filled by him, and I long for that to happen again. I realise I’ve walked close to the brewery when the bells—damn blasted bells—cut through the silence. I see the door to the brewery open and Brother Sean emerges. He turns and waits as Brother Francis exits a moment later, hastily tying his belt. Both smile at each other in a way that looks too affectionate to be simple friendship before pulling their cowls over their heads and taking the path to the abbey. It seems I’m not the only one who thinks the chastity vows are ridiculous. I wonder if Brother Theobald knows.
I realise I ought to be getting back so I can show him my letter, so I spin around and quickly retrace my steps and make my way to his quarters and his office.
When I reach it he’s already there pacing.
“Where were you?” he says sharply and I recoil a little.
“I was just taking a walk in the gardens,” I explain, and his expression softens as he sits at his desk.
“I’m sorry,” he sighs wearily. “I always seem to be apologising to you, don’t I? It’s just that the tension of the closure is getting to all of us. I’ve just had to discipline some monks today who were fighting. Fighting! I’ve not seen anything like it in the thirty years I’ve been here. Disagreements, yes. Arguments, yes. But physically fighting... What are we becoming?”
I don’t answer that as it seems rhetorical and I’m not sure what I could say. He takes a deep breath and then looks at me with a grim smile.
“Now, where are the papers for me to sign? Then you can be on your way and I can get back to trying to sort this mess out.”
“I’m not going,” I say, and his eyes snap to mine. I stand a little taller and raise my chin under his gaze. “I’ve written to my uncle?—”
“Emmett, we’ve had this conversation?—”
“No!” I cut sharply across him. “We haven’t had a conversation at all. All you’ve done is avoid talking to me about it. I know the offer isn’t as much as you’d hoped. That’s not my fault or something I can change. But I can buy you time. I’ve written to my uncle to request a few more weeks. Will that give you enough to make more arrangements?”
