I know exactly what Dante is describing.
And I can't think about it right now. Not with him sitting three feet away, wounded and vulnerable and more human than I've ever seen him.
"Dante," I say.
He stops talking. Looks at me.
"You didn't answer my question."
He nods. Waits.
"Why did you come here?"
He looks away. Stares at the wall like it holds answers I can't see.
"You're not going to like what I have to say."
"I'm sure I won't."
Dante takes a deep breath.
His hands are resting on his thighs. I watch his fingers curl slightly, then relax. A tell I've never noticed before.
"When I got shot," he says slowly, "I knew I was dying."
My stomach drops.
"The bullet was deep. I was losing blood fast. I could feel myself getting weaker with every minute. By the time I got on my bike, I wasn't sure I'd make it ten blocks."
He's still not looking at me.
"I should have called Lorenzo. Should have gone to the doctor. Should have done a hundred things that would have made more sense than riding across the city with a hole in my side."
His voice goes quiet.
"But I didn't want to die in a hospital. I didn't want to die in some safe house surrounded by men who work for me. I didn't want the last thing I saw to be strangers."
He finally looks at me.
His eyes are dark. Unguarded in a way I've never seen them.
"I wanted to see your face."
The words hit me like a physical blow.
"What?"
"I wanted to see you one last time before I died." His voice is steady, but something underneath it isn't. "I was sure I wouldn't survive. I could feel it. The darkness closing in. My body shutting down. And the only thing I could think about was you."
I can't breathe.
"I thought if I could just make it to your door. If I could just see you one more time. Then it would be okay. Then dying wouldn't be so bad."
"Dante—"
"I told you that you wouldn't like it."
He's right. I don't like it. I don't like any of this. I don't like the way my chest feels tight or the way my eyes are burning or the way his words are rearranging something inside me that I thought was settled.
