I take the box, heart still thudding. “And what would that be?”
Nico wraps his arms around me from the back and kisses my head, “That you worked really hard on your applications, and you’re still working hard. And we wanted to show our appreciation for how you’re adapting to life with us.”
Maybe he means basically moving into his place with the other two guys. Or, maybe he means not letting my family get between us. Whatever it is, it makes my heart squeeze.
“You don’t have to thank me for that,” I whisper, thinking and thinking the wordlovebut not saying it. “First, because this is a life anyone would want to fold themselves into. And second, because… I love being around you guys.”
It’s close enough, for now, and it makes all three of them smile. It hits me that although I love seeing Cole and Nico smile, it’s Dane’s that feels the most precious. The most difficult thing to earn.
I love being around you guysisn’t what I really want to say. But I don’t because it feels too soon, and too fresh. The last thing I want is to be telling them I love them as a surrogate for my family.
Mary has been the only one to really respond to me, but she’s the only one of my siblings old enough not to be on my parents’ phone plan, which means the others likely had my number blocked without even knowing it.
It makes me sick to think about what my parents might be telling them. What they might be thinking about me. Maybe it’s wrong to think of a favorite, but the thought of Auggie cutting me off, never talking to me again—it makes my palms clammy.
“What should we have for dinner?” Nico asks, pulling me out of my thoughts. Their smiles are gone now, including Dane’s, and I realize they must be able to read the sorrow on my face.
I don’t want to be sad, don’t want to be grieving the connection with my family. It’s bittersweet to gain these guys at the same time I lose something just as vital.
“Let’s order in,” Dane says, neatly stacking his shoes in the organizer he bought for the closet, before stretching and twisting in his suit. The shirt comes untucked, and my eyes instantly dip to the strip of skin revealed.
I’m shameless.
“What?” Nico asks, his jaw moving on the top of my head. “You don’t like my cooking?”
“He just wants an excuse to try that Ukrainian place.”
“I’m craving pierogies.” Dane says. “So, we’ll order out.”
Dane and Cole disappear into the bedroom and bathroom respectively, to change out of their work clothes and use the bathroom. Nico, with his arms still around me, murmurs, “Are you going to open that gift, or what?”
I twist in his arms and look up at him. There’s some blonde fuzz on his jaw, and I love seeing it. A seven o’ clock shadow that only I get to run my fingers over. “You guys don’t have to buy me gifts all the time,” I whisper, looking up at him. He flattens his chin and stares right back.
“If you had all the money in the world,” he whispers, “you’d use it to pamper us, wouldn’t you?”
Functionally, with Dane’s credit card in my wallet, Idohave all the money in the world. And I’ve used it on more than one occasion to get something for them. First edition comics for Cole. Special, imported dark chocolate for Dane. A perfume for myself that smells like gardenias, since Nico loves them. I’m wearing it now, and I feel him breathing me in, absorbing the scent. I wonder if he recognizes I’m wearing it for him.
“Fine,” I laugh, wrestling out of his hold just enough to reach for the gift. It’s a small box with a sparkling gold ribbon, the kind that slides smoothly against itself. I’m careful in unraveling it, then pull the top from the box.
It smells expensive, like the heady, rich scent I recognize from the Ember offices.
“Nico,” I breathe, when I see the necklace nestled among the crushed velvet in the box. It’s a simple sterling silver chain with three little charms—D, N, and C. Each is set with a jewel, and I instantly recognize them as their birthstones.
“I wanted to just do theN,” he says, his breath hot against my neck, “but I figured Dane might take me to civil court.”
It makes me laugh. The kitchen is sweet, laden with the scent of the roses. The wine will pair great with our take-out tonight, and I can already see the evening unrolling in front of us. Sitting on the couch together, laughing, watching reality TV together even though they insist they don’t care for it.
Eventually, hands will wander. They’ll make me feel good, and I’ll touch, taste, feel them.
It’s perfect.
The moment I think it, I see the twins, my brothers and sisters, ache for the taste of my mom’s sweet potato pie, and my mind insists,nearlyperfect, instead.
“Alright,” Dane strides back into the living area the way he left, his phone in his hand. “The food is ordered.”
“So, what should we watch?” Cole asks, emerging from the bathroom in the same shirt he was wearing earlier, now paired with sweats instead of jeans. “Star Trek?”
“No,” Nico, Dane, and I say together, and when Cole twists away, I realize what he’s doing.
