But the pregnancy and mothering took their toll, and her talent suddenly didn’t matter. There were new starlets. Besides that, my father had done a fantastic job of slandering her name in the industry.
After that, my mother was a whirlwind of depression. Pills and booze and pajamas all day long. I came of age learning to predict the rise and fall of her moods. On a Monday, she could clean the entire house, make a steaming dinner, and ask to go for a walk along the beach. Then, by Wednesday, she’d be back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling, garbage piling around her.
I managed her swings. Took her to the doctor, the psychiatrist. Filled her prescriptions and poured vodka down the sink.
In my free time, I cruised the streets of L.A. top-down, gathering girls and attending parties. I never thought the money would run out.
Then my father passed away, and the checks stopped. Maybe his wife knew about us and did it maliciously, or maybe she had no idea, and it went unnoticed amid the deluge of post-death tasks.
Either way, the money stopped.
“I was in college at that point,” I murmur, eyes heavy. Lucy trails her hand up and down my side, the touch soothing, practically putting me to sleep.
It feels nice to be in bed with another person. To be in bed with her.
“That’s when you met Cole,” she whispers, recognition in her eyes telling me she’s connecting this story to another.
I nod against the pillow. “Needed money. Saw that Dane and Cole… I saw that we could work together well. Made it happen.”
“You’re like the glue,” Lucy whispers, leaning forward and nudging her nose against mine. Something aches in my chest, a sense of vulnerability, the feeling that I shouldn’t have told her about all this.
I have more than my fair share of bullshit relationships. People who aren’t really my friends, but think they know me well.
And I don’t want it to be like that with Lucy. In fact, I’m not sure I could lie to her if I wanted to.
I’m just about to drift off under the gentle sweep of Lucy’s touch, the exhaustion of having shared all this, when Dane and Cole appear. They’re freshly showered, and they tuck themselves into bed around us. This time, Lucy’s pressed against me, the guys on either side of us. Dane plays with her hair. Cole fluffs his pillow.
There’s an unspoken question in the air about sex, like there has been since the first day it happened between us. It’s a question always answered by Lucy, and right now, she’s cuddling into my chest, yawning.
The three of us arrange ourselves around her, each touching her in some way. And, together, we drift off.
Chapter 31
Lucy
This is the best vacation of my life.
For the past week, I’ve gotten to know each of the guys better than I already do. I watch Dane soften, Cole relax, and Nico finallyreallysmile, instead of using that one he reserves for strangers.
We swim, eat, and have sex.
My only regret is that, without an internet connection, I can’t Google everything I want to. I want to start with simpletips for sex with multiple partnersand eventually find myself over on the side of the internet with answers tohow to take three men at once.
The idea is thrilling. Is it possible? So far, our sex is one or two men with me, the other watching and touching himself. It feels impossible that I’ve gone from never having done this in my life to trying to figure out how to juggle three of them at once.
“Is it okay not to do it all together?” I pose the question over breakfast, and it makes Cole choke on his French toast, prepared by Nico.
“What?” Dane asks, brow furrowing. “Eating breakfast?”
“No, you dope,” Nico chuckles, clapping his friends on the back and leaning in with those sparkling eyes. “She’s asking ifshe can sample individually, or if she has to take the full-course meal every time.”
I flush. Of course, Nico is the one to get my meaning first.
“It’s not like…” I trail off, not really knowing how to qualify the statement. It’s not like I don’t like all being together. “After the fight, I just want to make sure I’m not crossing any boundaries.”
Dane and Cole say, at the same time, “It wasn’t a fight.”
Nico raises an eyebrow at me, as if to say,ri-ght. “Well, I, for one, have no problem mixing up the dynamic. We can do solo, just two of us… whatever you want, Lucy dear.”
