“Every day,” he replies calmly, not missing a beat, seemingly unmoved by my surprise.
“Oh, okay,” I mumble. “I–I guess I can keep up with that. Is there anything else I need to know, or...?”
“Anything that comes up, you can call Marsha on the intercom,” he replies, gesturing to a small metal box that sits just next to the doorway. “She handles household matters, she’ll be able to help you.”
“Thanks,” I mumble. I feel, for some reason, as though I’m in some sort of trouble, as ridiculous as I know that sounds. It’salways that way, whenever someone starts telling me how things are going to go. It’s like I just snap back into that younger version of myself, the one who couldn’t seem to do a damn thing right. I can still remember, all too clearly, the way my mother would glower at me as she pressed her hand against the Bible, as though some force would magically make me comply.
Viktor nods one last time, and makes for the door, finally leaving us alone in this new home. I glance around, taking the place in, chewing my lip as I try to wrap my head around it.
So, this is it, then—my new home, my new job, all wrapped up into one. And it’s being treated as though it’s a bank vault, the security measures enough to keep anything and anyone under wraps. But what kind of threats have been levelled against this place to make something like that feel neccessary?
And what exactly have I brought my daughter into?
“Mommy?”
I look down at Nina, who’s gazing up at me with those big, brown eyes of hers, the ones that can cut right through me in a matter of moments. I plaster a big smile on my face, not wanting her to feel for an instant that she has anything to worry about.
“Yes, sweetheart?”
“Can I see my new room?”
“Of course you can,” I reply, and I hold my hand out to her, allowing her to lead the way. I want her to feel excited about this place, God knows she deserves to. She’s had far from a conventional childhood, at least so far.
With her father not part of her life, it’s only be me taking care of her. Well, my sister too, of course, but that’s different. I’mdistinctly aware of the fact that she’s going to start noticing how her family doesn’t look the same as the families of the kids around her, and, eventually, I’ll have to tell herwhyher father isn’t around.
Though I’ve not figured out exactly how I’m going to handlethatconversation, that much I’m sure of. Because how in the hell do you tell your little girl that you hooked up with a guy one time five years ago, and you didn’t even get his name or see his face, but that you fell pregnant from a single encounter? And that, while she’s the best damn thing that’s ever happened to me, I don’t even know the name of the man who helped me bring her into the world?
Not even Sophie knows about the truth of how my little girl came to be born, and that’s how I want to keep it. I can still recall, with a startling clarity, the moment that I looked down at the pregnancy test and saw those two little pink lines staring back at me, the way my heart sank like I had been punched in the damn gut. Knowing that I didn’t have family to fall back on, knowing that I would have to do this virtually alone, knowing that even the man who had been part of this would never find out about his little girl...
I had thought about digging through the invitations for that night at the gala, but I doubted it would have been any use. Even if I could somehow match a name to the man who took me to his hotel room that night, what are the chances that it would actually turn up anything useful? He might have given a fake name, anything to disguise his true identity. And even if I did manage to dig him up, how would he feel that I had waited so long to get in touch with him?
And besides... I know what it means, to get involved with the wrong kind of man. To choose the wrong person to have a childwith. When my mother married my father, I doubt that she could have imagined the hell he would rain down on all of us—or maybe it was what she had always wanted, given how she had allowed him to control us so harshly.
Regardless, I would never be able to forgive myself if I had accidentally invited a man like that into my daughter’s life, not after everything I had been through.
“Hey, this looks great!” I exclaim, trying to keep my voice as bright as I can as we check out her new bedroom. Hell, it must look like a damn palace to her, given that she has never had a room of her own before. There are books here, a closet that looks to be full of clothes, and a bed more plush than any I’ve ever slept in before.
I drop down on to the duvet, patting the spot beside me, and Nina leaps up next to me. I put my arm around her. “You like it, sweetheart?” I murmur to her, pressing a kiss against her forehead.
She nods. “Yeah, I do!”
“Good,” I reply. And, as I squeeze her close, I pray to God that I’ve made the right choice—and whatever these intense security measure are here to protect us.
Not trap us.
4
ALEXEI
The soundof my shoes on the polished wood floor fills the corridor as I make my way to meet her—the woman who’s going to be taking care of my son. At my side, Max keeps pace with me, even though he’s practically sprinting to keep up.
“You need me to slow down?” I ask him, and he shakes his head resolutely. I should have known that would be his response.
These last couple of years, he’s been determined to prove that he’s capable of matching me in any way he can. Of course, he has no idea what it would actually mean for him to step into my shoes, but, as long as he’s still my little boy, I’m not going to expose him to the harshness at the heart of my world before it is neccessary.
And that is, in fact, part of why I’ve hired this live-in nanny to take care of him and make sure that he keeps up with his education. I could have sent him to one of the half-dozen or so exclusive private schools in the city, and I’m sure more than a few of them saw dollar signs in their eyes when I had visited to scope out the possibility, but there’s no way in hell I’m going to leave my son exposed like that.
Outside of this house, I can’t keep him safe, not in the way I want to. In my home, I’ve control over every detail, every guard, every code that protects him from the outside world. But the moment he steps outside of this place, the whole world has access to him.
