I push that thought aside as I sit down, trying to remind myself that I’m doing nothing more than taking a test.
Everything is going to be fine,I tell myself.The chances are low.
I take the test as quickly as I can and read the instructions a half-dozen times over as I wait for the results to come back. I chew my lip, watching and waiting for the small panel to pop up and tell me my fate.
And the two minutes soon count down, and I look back at the test, sitting on the edge of the sink.
It shows two small pink lines, side by side. I grab it and take another look, assuming that my vision must be blurred from the stress or something because there is no way, there is justnoway, that I can be looking at what I think I’m right now.
But there it is. As clear as day. Sitting there, right in the palm of my hand.
A positive pregnancy test.
I close my fist around the plastic strip so tightly that I feel it buckle and break beneath my grip.Oh, my God. This can’t be right, can it?I rip the other one out of the package and into myhand and try to ignore how badly my fingers are shaking as I take the second.
The next countdown goes a hell of a lot quicker, heart pounding inside my chest as I hold out for the result. And there it is again, those same two little pinks lines, announcing the very same thing that I don’t want to admit.
I’m really and truly pregnant.
I wash my hands, splashing some water on my face before I lock eyes with myself in the mirror. I can see the terror written in my eyes as the reality of it begins to sink in. I can’t believe this has happened again.
I feel like I’ve been whipped back through time, back to the moment when I first discovered that I had fallen pregnant with Nina. And it’s the same man, the same situation, all over again, the same mess that I’ve managed to walk myself straight into, with no idea how, if at all, I’ll be able to get out.
My hands are shaking helplessly as I try to calm myself. What the hell happens now? It’s not as though I can hide something like this from him, if I’m living right here under his roof, but at the same time, how will I explain it? What will he do? Will he be angry at me, furious that I’ve managed to make a mess of everything like this?
I mean, if I choose to, I don’t have to tell him about it at all. I could go and deal with this pregnancy in another way, and nobody would ever have to find out a thing about it. But even that is enough to send a heavy pang coursing through my system. I can’t do that.
But I don’t want this baby to have the same life as Max, Nina, or me. I doubt there’s any way to change Alexei’s mind.
No, Ineedto do something to fix this though. Something to make this right. Not just for this child, but for Nina and Max, too. They deserve a chance to live normal lives, or something close to them. This child inside of me, the children a couple of rooms away, they are relying on me, and I refuse to fail them.
Even if it means standing up to the scariest man I’ve ever known in the process. I stuff the pregnancy tests to the bottom of the trash can and pile some crap on top of them to make it look as though there is nothing worth noticing in there. And, as I catch a glimpse of those two pink lines gazing back up at me, I steel every inch of my resolve.
Alexei might think the choices have been made, but he has another thing coming, that’s for damn sure.
For the sake of these children. And for the sake of the life had I had long-since promised myself I would never let slip through my fingers again.
24
ALEXEI
Pulling on a t-shirt,my damp hair scattered droplets across the bedroom floor; I’m fresh from the gym, my heart still thudding inside my chest, but it’s done little to salve the pressure of everything that was going on inside my head right now.
It’s been weeks since the attack on the house, but I can still remember with stark detail how it had felt, to see Cara and Nina taken like that, to know that it had happened because of me. It doesn’t seem to matter how much I try to convince myself that everything is safe, or how many times Cara pleads with me to grant them a little more freedom. I’m paranoid, looking around every corner and expecting something terrible to happen.
But... Nothing has happened. Not yet, at least. It feels like the whole city has been holding its breath, waiting to see how I’ll respond to the outright threat against me. Vinski is dead, his men slaughtered, and his crimes have been repaid in kind.
And anyone who tries to pull the same shit will be treated the same way. I’ve sent that message loud and fucking clear. So when does the fear recede? When does that feeling like everything is waiting to be ripped from my ease? I wonder,briefly, if this is how my father felt after what happened to my mother, that constant threat of things hanging over his shoulder, the certainty that whatever stillness there was had to shatter at one moment or another...
“Alexei?”
I look around sharply, wondering who the hell has decided to interrupt me in my bedroom—and find Cara standing there, out of her quarters, her arms wrapped around herself nervously. I turn towards her, striding to close the distance between us, my brow furrowed.
“What are you doing here?”
“I–I need to talk to you.”
“Where are Max and Nina?”
