It doesn’t take long for him to follow suit, driving himself deep one last time before he stills once more inside of me. He whispers in my ear, telling me how much he wants me, how much he needs me, and the words burn into my brain. I don’t know how to express it to him, everything that I’m feeling right now, but I know that this will not be the last time I demand it from him.
He mutters a curse in Russian under his breath, and his spiderweb tattoo flexes against my belly as he finishes. I reach to grab his hand, bringing it to my lips. I draw his fingers into my mouth, closing my eyes as I taste my own wetness from him. I’ve never thought to justdosomething like that before, but right now, all I want is to prolong this pleasure that we areboth feeling, to let myself give in to the sensation of our bodies melding together in this way. He grunts approvingly, pulling back and thrusting back in again, coaxing out every drop inside me before he slowly eases himself back.
The two of us collapse on to the bed next to each other, and I stare at the ceiling, stars dancing at the corners of my vision. How is it that, every time we do this, it just gets better?
He wraps his arms around me, slipping out of his jeans so that he is laying there in his t-shirt and boxers. I snuggle into him, pressing my face into his chest, inhaling the musky sweetness of his skin and the scent of his aftershave.
He brushes his lips across my forehead and runs a hand down the back of my head, and for a moment, the two of us just pause there in silence. I think about asking him what’s on his mind, but I’m not sure I want the answer. There’s something in me that knows if I break the silence, I might break this moment, and he might remember just how complicated things are between us.
I’m not ready for this to be done.
I listen as his breathing slowly begins to smooth out, and he gives in to the tiredness that wants to take over his body. I slowly lift my head and find that he has fallen asleep.
I lean forward and press a kiss against his lips, and he wraps his arms around me, pulling me in closer, tangling our legs so that he can drape my body across his. I rest my face against his chest and listen to the slow, steady beating of his heart, closing my eyes once more. If this is how he wants to sleep tonight, then I’m more than fine with it.
Because, for the first time in a long time, I feel like I might actually be able to sleep through the night. Maybe he belongs here at my side more than I’d care to admit…
And even if it causes more trouble down the line, for now, I’m going to enjoy it.
16
CARA
I fiddlewith the coffee cup as I look to the door, trying my best to put the idea out of my mind. I shouldn’t even be considering it, really, but I can’t let go.
I’m stuck here, just like I was with my parents.
And this time, I’m inflicting it on my daughter, too. That’s the part that I can’t stand.
I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to push the idea out of my head.It’s not the same.Alexei is doing all of this to protect me, to protect all of us. He isn’t just locking be up in here for no reason.
But then, I’m sure my parents would have said the same.
The only question is… Was the danger that Alexei knew of actually real? Or, like my parents, was it all in his paranoid imagination?
I know at least some of it comes from a real place, with the warehouse fire and everything, but there’s no way of telling for sure that everything else fits together exactly as it should. Hemight be overestimating this, closing the walls around us for no solid reason, even if he believes he’s doing the right thing.
I haven’t seen him since the night he came for dinner with us, and that is bothering me too. Because...well, where the hell is he?
He snuck out of bed early that morning without me knowing. He hadn’t even woken me up to let me know he was leaving, he had just taken off as though it was nothing. And I can’t believe we could share everything we did that night, and have it mean nothing. Not with the way he kissed me, and the way he held me against his chest all night long as if I were the only thing that soothed him. I get that he has business to take care of, but doesn’t that count for anything?
And all this time to myself has left me stuck on the idea that I shoudn’t be handing over my freedom quite so easily to this man. I’m an independent woman, aren’t I? And I wanted to raise my daughter the same way. What kind of message am I sending to her by letting him close the walls in on me so easily, handing over my freedom—ourfreedom—as though it hardly mattered?
I have to do something to prove myself. I have to find a way out of here, even just for a little while.
And it is that thought that leads me to straighten up from the breakfast bar and head towards the door. I glance behind me to make sure the kids are still engrossed in their show, and they are. They’re eating breakfast, and I figure now is a good time to talk to Alexei and ask him if I can take them out. Even just into another part of the house, somewhere they could read and play together that wouldn’t just be the same living space we shared day in and day out.
I know that he has a wing of his own in this house, it’s where Max goes to sleep every night—wouldn’t he be willing to give that up to them for an afternoon? Kids aren’t meant to live in the same place like that all the time, they needed to get out into the world...
I open the door and find eyes on me at once—a few guards on the door, and a couple passing through the main entry hall. I glance between them, trying to figure out my chances here if I just stride on through and try to go to Alexei’s quarters. I get the feeling they will pounce on me before I get a chance, and I should probably at least allow them the opportunity to talk to me first.
“Good morning!” I chirp brightly, smiling as I make my way into the entry hall. If I act normal, then maybe I can just slip through.
But one of them steps out in front of me, stopping me in my tracks before I can go any further. “What’s going on?”
“I need to speak with Alexei,” I reply, and I try to cast my mind back to what I heard Marsha call him before. “The Pakhan, I need to speak with the Pakhan.”
I plant my hands on my hips and look at him expectantly. I’m not sure what else I need to say, to be honest. But he looks to one of the men beside him and furrows his brow, clearly not entirely convinced by my performance.
