“Am I interrupting?” I ask, feeling totally out of sync with my girlfriend. I’ve never felt so disconnected from her, and we’ve been together for over two years.
“No, of course not. Come in.”
Yeah, something is dodgy. My sixth sense is lighting up like the fucking northern lights. Stepping through the door, I take in her dorm room. My eyes go instantly to the butch sitting on Sloane’s bed.
“Alex, hi,” I say cordially.
“Eden, good to see you. I didn’t know you were visiting.”
“Wanted to surprise Sloane,” I reply not wanting to invite any more conversation with her. Alex is Sloane’s friend from class. She’s also been openly after my girlfriend since day one. As with Kiera, when she tried it on in high school, I paid no attention…until recently.
Sloane’s been pulling away, and I’m convinced Alex hasn’t exactly been encouraging her to call me when she needs me. Oh no, Alex is happy to take over that role, and for once, I’m pissed off. I pride myself on not letting jealousy play a part in my life, but I’m only human. The woman I love is stepping away from me and towards someone else.
“Me and Sloane were about to grab some ice cream, you wanna come?”
Flexing my jaw, I send her a thinned lip smile. “I was sort of hoping to have some alone time with Sloane.”
Alex smacks a palm against her head. “Duh, obviously. Ignore me. I’ll head out.” She jumps up from Sloane’s bed and grabs her shoes. I step back and wait for her to leave. I don’t like how she rests a hand on Sloane’s hip, or that Sloane doesn’t seem fazed by it.
“Text ya later,” Alex says, kissing her on the cheek.
Sloane walks her out and shuts the door but doesn’t immediately turn around.
“There’s something wrong, isn’t there?”
Sloane sniffs, and my heart clenches. I know she’s been struggling lately with school. None of our friendship group, apart from Bella, has found college easy, but Sloane has struggled more than all of us. Her perfectionism had ramped up her anxiety to the point her parents had to be called in to intervene. I only found out after Becca told me last week during our monthly friend call. A call Sloane missed…again.
Placing my backpack down by her bed, I take a step towards her and place my hands on her shoulders. It hurts that she flinches, but I don’t pull back. This is Sloane…my Sloane. I can’t pull away from her when she’s hurting.
“Baby, please. Just talk to me.”
Finally she turns, and I bite my cheek when I see her eyes are red-rimmed and glassy. “We need to talk,” she stutters through a broken voice.
Scratching the back of my head, I nod and brace myself. “Okay, let’s talk.”
Taking her hand, I lead her over to the bed, and we sit down. I want nothing more than to take her in my arms, but Sloane’s body language is closed off, and my affections won’t do what I hope.
“Sloane, you can tell me anything, you know that, right?”
She sniffs and wipes her nose with the sleeve of her hoodie. My old hoodie she’s always worn when feeling insecure or stressed.
“Eden, I…” She looks up from her lap and into my eyes. “Baby, I need us to take a break.”
“Okay, how long for?” I have so many other questions, but that’s the only one I desperately need an answer to.
“I…I don’t know,” she chokes. “I’m drowning, Eden. It feels like I’m juggling a hundred balls, but I just keep dropping them. The more I try to make everything work, the worse it is.”
Running my palms up and down my thighs, I try to calm myself. “And am I one of those balls?”
If this wasn’t such a serious conversation I’d make a joke, but it is serious. Possibly one of the most serious conversations of my young life.
Sloane is everything to me. I promised myself in high school that she and I would be a part of the two percent of couples who made it, and I want to believe we can still be those people.
“Weare one of those balls. Every time I have a paper due I’m panicking because I know you’re expecting my call, but I need the time to work. This year has only gotten harder, and I’m expected to start looking for work placements for my senior year. I…I just can’t…”
Her breaths are coming in fast, and I can see her entering a panic attack. Dropping to the floor, I place my hands on her knees and dip my head until she’s looking at me. “Just breathe, baby. Nice and slow, in and out.”
It takes a few minutes before Sloane breathes normally again. She looks so lost, and it’s then I know what I have to do. I gotta give her the space she needs, just like I did in senior year. All I can hope is that she comes back to me again.
