Knowing she had probably gone bright red, she shrugged her shift back on. Though Judith had seen her naked on countless occasions and touched every inch of her body, this was different. Ylva could not be exposed in front of her fully dressed friend while they discussed what a man had done to her and what she would have liked him to do.
“I see I may have jumped to conclusions,” Judith eventually said, looking rather disconcerted.
“You did. Fortunately you were stopped in time.”
Dear God, what would have happened if Judith had really wounded Ulf, or killed him, as she had clearly meant to do? It didn’t bear thinking about. They would have been punished this time, and worse, Ylva would have had to carry the responsibility of his death for the rest of her life.
“He didn’t hurt you when he restrained you then?” Ylva asked. Even though she already knew the answer, she wanted to force her friend to see that Ulf was not a bad man, in any way. He had stopped her, but he had been as careful as he could.
“No.” Judith seemed to resent admitting as much. “So, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying…that I like him. I really like him.” Oh, she did more than like him but this was damning enough.
“I see.”
Silence stretched in the hut. Not knowing what else to say or how to act, Ylva stood up and finished getting dressed. They had to leave, everyone was waiting for them. Was Ulf still here, talking to his friends as if nothing of note had happened that morning and the evening before? As if he didn’t care one way or the other that she was leaving?Didhe even care? She couldn’t say. He had certainly not behaved as if her departure was weighing on his mind last night.
No, and neither had she, because they had been too busy pleasuring one another.
“We can always visit, I suppose,” Judith said, tucking her dagger back into her belt.
“Yes. I suppose.” Why did she feel as if this would never happen?
“Do you want me to go tell Haakon and Gytha that we?—”
“No. They have been kind enough to offer us transport and you already asked them to wait once.”
Ylva might want to stay longer, but she wasn’t sure what purpose it would serve. Ulf was no doubt waiting to resume his life after the shocking interruption, and probably preparing to go to another fair. He had told her he had still not found his life’s purpose, so it was fair to suppose he would keep searching. He didn’t need her for that. And last evening, he had not given her any indication he would miss her when she was gone. They had shared pleasure but they had not discussed any kind of future together.
He had known all along that she was leaving and yet he had not asked her to stay a few more days, much less permanently.
Judith was right. They could always come visit later if she found that she missed him too much. But would she? Was she not drawn to him because he was the first person to have acted kindly toward her? The first man she had ever felt desire for? In the place they settled she would meet other people who would be kind to her, other men who stirred her blood. Perhaps in a few months she would forget she had met a Norseman who had given her a life worth living and shown her what she could do.
No. In the same way she would never forget she had been a slave, she would not forget Ulf or all they had shared together.
“Come. They are waiting for us.”
It was not only Haakon and Gytha stationed by the cart. Wolf and his wife had come, as well as Helga and, to her horror, Steinar and the whole of Ulf’s family.
Heat flooded Ylva’s cheeks. Had Judith not interrupted them, all these people would have heard her screams of ecstasy. Then they would all have known what had transpired between her and Ulf.
It was better it remained a secret, especially now that she was leaving.
Ulf threw her a look that pierced her heart. What that look meant was painfully obvious. There would be no private goodbyes, no exchanges of promises, no heated declarations. In the eyes of the people assembled here, she was just a guest about to leave. No one would suspect that only a moment ago he had been naked, begging her to let him devour her.
“Ready to go?” Wolf asked.
Judith stole a glance at her, signifying she would accept her decision, whatever it was.
No. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready. But I’m supposed to be. Everyone expects it. So I will go.
Including Ulf. He had not moved a muscle, or asked for a last word. He was just waiting for her to go. So she would go, even if something inside her had died.
Ylva nodded. “Yes. I’m ready.”
13
Awoman was standing by the door of his hut when Ulf came back from the forest with a basket full of acorns.
