He couldn’t miss the disapproval in her voice.
“Yeah,” he said. “How’d you hear about it?”
“Not from you,” she said at once, an icy clip in her voice. “I saw it onMorning Fun with Gina LaBun.”
He sighed. The conversation was already slipping away from him. He had to start pulling it back or it was just going to get worse.
Before he could say anything, though, his mother went on.
“And I hear you’re going to be doing a concert with Luke.”
There wasreallyno missing the disappointment in her voice this time.
“Yes, I am,” he said. “Is there a problem?”
Easy, Mikey,he reminded himself.
A long-suffering sigh came from the other end of the line.
“You know how I feel about Luke,” she said finally. “It’s just…why do you always have to go after that boy?”
Mikey didn’t know which part of the comment to address first.
“Mother,” he said instead, deciding to cut straight to the point. “I know you don’t approve of me talking to Luke, and,” he paused, as he thought about what he was going to say next, “and I know you won’t approve of me trying to pursue anything more than a friendship with him, but it’s what I’m going to do.”
Again, a sigh.
“I know you blame me and your father for what happened a decade ago,” she said, picking up on his unspoken grievance.
He hated to admit it, but in some ways his mother understood him better than almost anyone else. She liked to act like she was in her own little world sometimes, and she also liked to act as if Mikey was someone other than what he was, but the truth was she always saw right to the heart of the matter.
No wonder we never got along,he thought.
“But we did what we thought was right,” she went on. “I knew even then you had feelings for him, just like I knew he wasn’t good for you. I’m not going to apologize for doing what was in your best interest.”
He hated the tone his mother always got when she was trying to defend herself. It somehow managed to be both icy and heated.
“Okay, fine,” he said, not willing to concede the argument but also not willing to pursue it further. “I just wanted you to know what I”m doing. I’m sorry I didn’t get to tell you about it until you heard it from Gina.”
“Thank you.”
Mikey knew there wasn’t really much point in continuing the conversation. This was how it always was with his parents, his mother in particular. She would only hear what she wanted to hear and would only engage with the things with which she wanted to engage. When it came to Mikey’s sexuality or his private life, the less said the better.
“You know,” he said. “One day you’re going to have to deal with the fact I’m pansexual. I know it’s not easy for you to admit to things that disrupt your image of what I should be like, but I’m tired of living by someone else’s rules.”
On some level, Mikey knew he should’ve had this conversation with his mother a long time ago. On another, he knew it wasn’t going to get him what he wanted: her acceptance. He had no doubt she loved him–or at least, most of the time he had no doubt–but the truth was she had her limits. He suspected she saw his pansexuality as a temporary thing, since it left open the possibility he might still end up with a woman.
Silence on the other end of the line, and then she finally spoke again.
“I know that, Michael,” she said. “It’s just…it’s a lot to take in.” Another pause. “I just want you to be happy, and so does your father.”
Mikey held in a snort.
“I know what you’re thinking,” she said, “but it’s true. Your father…he just doesn’t always know how to tell you what he’s really feeling.”
I believe it,he thought.
By now he was itching to get off the phone. He’d gotten as much out of the conversation as he was likely to and, to be honest, it was more than he’d been expecting. It could’ve gone a lot worse.”
