“I’m so sorry I asked.” His voice is heavy with remorse, but I don’twant those emotions here with us.
I sit up, the quilt twisted around me, and wrap my arms around my knees. I shake my head. “No. It’s fine. You must have plenty of difficult memories yourself.”
He sits up, too, and leans back against the headboard, one hand toying with my hair. “Too many. My parents—the escape. I was fifteen, more than old enough to have helped fight. I was furious and ashamed that they were sending me away, making me run from the Zhagarn. But they told me I had to protect my sister, and I swore I would.
“When I remember my parents—that horrible night and the nights and days that followed, racing away and across the country, knowing I’d be unwanted in Khyrrus, hoping Karrina could be safe in Pyrrh—I turn into someone else.” His hands clench into fists. “I’m no longer Kaelen. No longer a man, or a son, or a brother. I’m nothing but the memory of a prince; a shadowy vessel containing lost traditions and failed expectations. Floating through that farce of a life at Pallan’s court like a soap bubble, ephemeral and easily crushed.”
“You’re so much more than that, Kaelen. You’re the man who took charge of this mission, even though you wanted to stay with your sister. You’re the man who saved our lives again and again. Your family would be proud of you.”
This time, he’s the one to flinch. “I’ve done nothing to make them proud. All I do ishate, even knowing the futility. One man by himself can’t defeat the Zhagarn and Fell who conquered my country, no matter how much I train until my fingers bleed from gripping my sword. I’ve been secretly in touch with some of my people, and there are enough of them in hiding to mount a rebellion, if I could ever show up to lead them.
“If Artemisen entrusted the amulet to me, I’m not sure I wouldn’t make the selfish choice to save my people and say to the ravens with the rest of Altarra.” His eyes are bleak with despair. “Sometimes I think I’m not even human anymore, Soli. Merely vengeance fashioned into a weapon.”
“Butnot now.” I lean forward and wrap my arms around him. “Not here.”
“No. Not now. Not here.” He pulls me onto his lap and holds me so tightly I can feel his heartbeat. We sit in silence for a while, and I dare to wonder what might have happened if he’d been a commoner and I a farm girl or a pig keeper or anything but an indentured servant, and we’d met, and maybe kissed at the Harvest Fest, and …
“You’re thinking too hard again,” he murmurs against my hair.
“It’s a curse. Too much thinking,” I say lightly.
“Too many books?”
I pretend to gasp and poke a finger in his chest. “Bite your tongue! There’s no such thing!”
He catches my finger, brings it to his mouth, and kisses it. “I’d rather biteyourtongue.”
“Maybe you should show me how that would work,” I say, laughing. We shove serious and painful thoughts away and turn all our attention to making joyous, passionate, tender memories I can hold close to my heart, no matter what comes next.
Later—much later—after he talks me out of returning to my room, Kaelen jumps out of bed and walks over to the chair where his bag sits, giving me a terrific view of what must be the world’s best backside. When he turns around, he catches me looking and a smug smile of pure satisfaction spreads across his beautiful face. He even puts a little extra swagger into his walk when he returns to bed. It’s such an effective distraction that I don’t even notice he’s holding something until he lifts my hand and slides a heavy metal band onto my wrist.
I look down and gasp. “What is that? Kaelen … what?”
It’s a cuff-style silver bracelet with a gorgeous inlaid design—a snarling, black-and-white snow leopard encircled by green-and-blue scrollwork. I recognize the Valourian royal crest and start shaking my head before he even speaks.
“I want you to have it, Soli.”
“Oh, no, you can’t give me this. It must be a family heirloom!” I pull it off and hold it out to him. “It’s a lovely thought, but you don’t need to give me anything. I’m not—You don’t—”
Hetakes the bracelet and puts it back on my wrist. “I want you to have this. Please. I …” He shoves a hand through his hair. “I never—I’ve never given jewelry to any woman before, let alone something so important to me. It … it was my grandmother’s. We were very close, and I’ve always carried it with me as a kind of talisman since she died.” He touches the cuff and smiles wistfully. “She’d like you.”
A wave of warmth flows through me. He wants me to have this. This bracelet that was so important to him he’s kept it all this time. But of course, I can’t. With so much regret, I shake my head and pull it off again. “Kaelen. I’m sure I’d love her. And this—that you want to give it to me—it’s one of the most special and wonderful moments of my entire life. But I can’t. Karrina—”
“Karrina has her own.” He puts his hands behind his back, so I can’t put the bracelet in them. “I want you to know how much you mean to me, even though … even though I still don’t—can’t—deserve you. Please. For me.”
“But—”
His expression changes, and I can all but see a new idea come into his mind. “Besides, it covers the brand, and we’re in Khyrrus. At least wear it on the journey. For me? You can consider it a loan.”
I don’t have any way to argue against that. Wearein Khyrrus, where my brand is a genuine danger. If I keep the cuff mostly hidden by my shirtsleeve, nobody will see the whole of it and recognize the Valourian royal crest, which would surely make them wonder. Plus, mercenaries like shiny things. So, it would be in character for me to wear it.
For my disguise, I tell myself, already feeling possessive of the beautiful bracelet.
And of the man who gave it to me, despite my best efforts.
Slowly, I slide it back over my wrist. “A loan, then.”
“For now.” His smile is triumphant. “We’ll talk more about it later. After we find the second key.”
