“Well, it’s an amazing song!” Veronica expressed excitedly. “Although,Dark Artsis my favorite.”
“I’m glad you enjoy that one.” I chuckled through my nerves. I knew I had to make an announcement, per Priyanka to keep the buzz about the deluxe going. I still had Van on my mind, so I wanted to get this interview other with.
“I thinkPhoebeis beautiful,” The redhead added. “An ode to your hometown, right?”
Smiling, I affirmed her musings. “Yeah, sort of. It’s about something very personal that I had to go through, but out of the circumstances, I was renewed by the idea of sort of returning home.”
We talked a little bit more about tour. How it felt for me to perform every night, why I’d made certain setlist choices that I had, why I’d decided to perform a Taylor song every night, things of that nature. Honestly, the rest of the interview was kind of a blur because I kept thinking about Van.
Yes, I was excited about the deluxe album being out. But it was out already. And Van was here, backstage, the idea of us being more of anusburning in my mind. Knowing that the only thing that could extinguish it was having a serious dialogue with him was the only thing running through my mind.
“So with the deluxe being out,” Jasmine asked, bringing me back to the moment and lifting the autopilot I’d been in. “Any chances we’re getting a new single from one of the new songs?”
Here it was, the moment I needed to plug the new single. “Yes, actually.Sorry I Didn’t Callis my next single, and I’m going to be doing a music video for it very soon.”
The applause was drowned out by my thoughts, but I wore my smile with a confidence I didn’t feel. I was going to have to shoot the music video over the next few days that I was off from tour, which was fine, but not if I didn’t get to talk to Van.
I felt possessed by my need to talk to him. It was consuming me. I probably was feeling so weird about it because we’d been denied the chance to talk it out, because of the interview. I just needed to wait it out, to get through with filming, and we’d be able to talk.
The redhead was in the middle of saying something when I felt that peculiar feeling for the third time. That weird feeling that I’d felt before, like I was being looked at with such an intense look of disdain and despair that I felt overwhelmed by the invisible intention of it.
On instinct, I looked amongst the audience, trying to see if I could somehow decipher where it was coming from, but I came up empty handed. I couldn’t see anyone from backstage, so I wasn’t able to rule out anyone back there.
What didn’t make sense to me about this feeling was the inconsistency of it. I’d felt it that first time at Spider Way, when I’d shown Van where I’d spent most of my childhood. I’d felt it there in Phoebe. The second time was during the opening night of tour, here, in Nashville. And now I was feeling it here on the set of The Gab? Where was the connection? I’d always been an emotional perceptive person, which I’d deduced was why I was so sensitive to feeling the energy from whoever this was. But it didn’t make sense to me.
“Alistair?” Veronica’s voice pulled me out of my head again, confusion spreading across her face.
“I’m sorry, what were you saying?” I tried my best not to sound as shaken as I felt, but I probably looked like a fucking deer in the headlights.
“Tawnie was asking where the next tour stop is?” Veronica, to her credit, looked genuinely concerned for me. If nothing else, at least I’d learned the name of the last lady here at the table.
“Right,” I said, laughing to attempt to cover up the blank stare I must have delivered when Tawnie had first asked me thequestion. “The next show is in Glendale, Arizona.” I looked out to the audience. “I hope to see some of you there.”
The crowd erupted with cheers while the hosts did their sign offs for this segment of the show, the interview coming to a natural close. I never wanted to leave somewhere fast enough. As they called the all clear, letting us know that we weren’t on air anymore, I stood up abruptly. Veronica mimicked my ascension, concern deepening her brows.
“Are you okay?”
“Sorry about that,” I laughed nervously, trying to cover up the fact that I was now afflicted with two situations I was trying to solve in my head. “But yeah, I’m all good.”
“Alright,” She didn’t seem convinced, but she didn’t push the issue, which I was grateful for. “Well, thanks again for doing this interview. We really appreciate you giving The Gab the time.”
“Of course.” I stuck out my hand, grateful that she grasped it without question as we shook on it. “It was lovely seeing you again.”
That made her calm a little, bringing out the blush of her cheeks as she smiled. “You as well. Good luck in Arizona!”
I thanked her again and managed to work my way backstage. Now I needed Van for a whole different reason. While I didn’t feel the eerie feeling anymore, not since the show had ended, I needed to brainstorm with Van about why the fuck it was happening to me. I hadn’t mentioned it to him at all, so I was expecting him to be a little upset with me. But that was the thing, I had no idea what this feeling was. Unlike my feelings for him, this was completely detached and unable to lock on to.
As soon as I was backstage, I looked around for Van, but I didn’t see him in the same spot I’d left him earlier. Glancing around, I didn’t see Priyanka either. She had to have been somewhere around here. She’d been bossing around a production assistant earlier. Maybe she was back at the roomthey’d let me get ready in earlier? Maybe Van was back there too, waiting for me.
Moving through the crew and everyone else mulling around backstage, I managed to find myself alone in a hallway that eventually would lead to the dressing rooms when someone stopped in front of me. Actually, I practically ran into him, stumbling backward to stop myself from bowling him over. When I retracted back and took in his features, my mood soured even more.
Lafayette Rhodes stood before me.
“I’m so sorry.” I said on instinct, seeing that he was wearing a more pointed look than he had the last time I’d met him. “Lafayette? What are you doing back this way?”
“Looking for you, of course.”
Something about the easy way he admitted that made the hair on my arms stand on end. Why the fuck would he be looking for me? Especially when he could very easily go congratulate his wife on another show well done?
