Was this a sign that things were going to get better? That I wouldn’t always be plagued by the coming and goings of my mother, by the inane actions she was hellbent on enacting? I chose to see it that way. Hell, any semblance of good fortune that I could take from the universe was something I was going to focus on.
Van shifted in his chair, giving me a knowing glance. “You like this song?”
I couldn’t help but let out a little chuckle. “I should hope so. It’s mine.”
His eyes flared in contrast to the unreadable look on his handsome face. “Oh really? I haven’t heard this one before.”
I nodded. “It’s from my first album. A deep cut. I’m actually really surprised to hear it out.”
“Well that just means this bar has great taste.” Van smiled that pearly grin I was getting a little too comfortable with seeing, holding up the remaining contents of his drink up to me in cheers.
A laugh bubbled out of me as I clinked my glass to his, the sound reverberating around us as we took our respective sips. Van was a nice, attentive guy. He was the kind of guy I could really see myself falling for. If he wasn’t my employee, of course. Because of that, he was off limits.
I just had to have the willpower to keep telling myself that.
We managed to have a few more drinks before someone recognized me. I was a little horrified when the first fan came up to me and asked if they could have a picture, only because I was on my fifth drink at that point and a little worried that I was coming off drunk as hell. After the picture and thanking the fan when they told me they’d gotten tickets for tour, Van assured me that I hadn’t made a fool of myself.
The night began to blur at the edges after my sixth drink. I was never known for my ability to handle my alcohol. This was the most alcohol I’d managed to keep down in one sitting since…well, I couldn’t quite remember.
Van had the sense to call our evening quits before I convinced him to have another drink with me. We’d managed to drink the same, but he seemed a lot more with it to me. I knew I was hanging off of him more than I would have if I’d been sober,but he didn’t seem to mind. He didn’t push me off or anything, just let me grab his arm or wrap myself across his shoulders when we got up after he paid the tab.
It wasn’t until he was helping lead me out of the bar that my thoughts turned very lewd. I couldn’t shake the image of him kissing me, having his hands roam over every square inch of my body. Because I was determined to keep things between us professional, I’d asked him to get me a separate car. He’d refused, saying he was making sure I got home safe.
Which brought us to standing together on the sidewalk, the chilling night air blowing around us in a post-sunset chill. I had my arm hooked around his, and he was letting me hang off of him as he scrolled over his phone to order a rideshare.
Suddenly, the last place I wanted to be was home. I wanted to extend the feeling of being Alistair the human instead of Alistair the pop star. My cats could hate me later, right now, I just wanted to stay out and pretend like my life wasn’t my life for just a little bit longer.
“I don’t want to go home.” I told Van, trying to slide my finger across his phone’s screen so I could change the address away from my home.
“Alistair,” His voice was stern, but his arm adjusted to the middle of my back, keeping me from the fall that probably would have happened if he hadn’t been holding on to me so well. “I need to get you home and in bed.”
“I’m fine with bed, just not home.” I argued, pouting and really hating that I was coming off as such a brat. But I couldn’t stop myself. The alcohol was controlling me now and I was letting it. “I’d rather book a hotel for the night than go home.”
“Alistair,” My name on his tongue was another warning, but I bulldozed right through it.
“Please, Van? I just want one night where I can just be. Like how tonight at the bar was. If I go home, I’ll…” I didn’t want tosay that I’d probably drink more, which would make me think more, which would eventually turn my thoughts to my mother. I didn’t want that. In my mind, being surrounded by my usual setting was only going to propel me deeper into the thoughts I didn’t have the space to deal with. “I’ll go right to bed, I promise. Just please get me a hotel instead of sending me home.”
The dilemma somersaulted across Van’s face over and over while he mulled his options over. Finally, he exhaled a deep sigh, saying, “Then let’s get you a hotel.”
Giddy at having won the battle of getting what I wanted, I melded into the side of Van’s arm, the same one I had mine hooked around, and closed my eyes, content. God, he was so strong and stable. I could have probably fallen asleep right there if he hadn’t announced that I needed to get into the car. Clearly, I dosed off a bit while we had waited for the rideshare to arrive.
I didn’t remember much of the car ride, just that I’d been leaning on Van the entire time, feeling safe and sheltered from the real world for the first time in forever. I wanted to stay just like that for as long as possible.
Chapter 14
Another lapse of time later,I was being ushered out of the car with Van’s help as he led me inside the hotel. I couldn’t have relayed what place he’d chosen for me or where the hell we even were, but I was just happy that he hadn’t tricked me and taken me home.
Now that the constant flow of alcohol had been cut off from me, I was starting to feel a bit better. Was I still drunk? Of course. But I didn’t fear that another bout of time would pass me by without my acknowledgement.
The front lobby of the hotel was deserted, much to my surprised delight. The late hour of the night probably didn’t hurt, but not having to worry about being swarmed by potential fans was always a win in my book. Van sauntered up to the front desk and he started muttering about our reservation as I took in my surroundings.
I could see the name of the hotel throughout the place, finally seeing something instantly recognizable. I’d stayed in this hotel chain many a time before so I felt some of the tension over not knowing where I was leave me in that moment. Everything looked bright and crisp and clean. I’d never really thought about it before, but there was something really peacefulabout an empty hotel lobby in the middle of the night. No one was screaming, no one was hurt. It was just the nice hum of nothingness to meet you, and you had no other choice but to accept it.
I wanted that, to thrive inside the nice hum of nothingness. That’s what I’d been searching for the entire night Van and I had been out at the bar. We’d had a great time, and I’d felt like I’d been able to let go and have a few laughs. While our conversation hadn’t gotten too personal, I’d learned more about Van than I ever thought I would, so I considered that a plus.
And now, here he was, taking care of me. Making sure that I wasn’t inevitably making a fool of myself. Although whether or not I’d still managed to do so despite his best efforts had yet to be established.
Burying my crush for him for the millionth time, he gave the person manning the front desk a smile and grabbed our keycards and started leading us to the elevator. I was still gripping on his arm like it was my lifeline. Considering I’d convinced myself that if I let go, I would unravel at my expertly tied seams, it was.
